The time I met you
by Narushi-sama
Summary: NaruGaa story. Life can be so fucked up sometimes, full of ups and downs, full of surprises. He tried to befriend me multiple times and this particular one was the last, because this time I allowed it. Not because I wanted it, but because I was already so tired of pushing him away. And so we became friends somehow. Yaoi, Mature content. My first story written in english!
1. I Meet me again

/: My first story written in English, please be kind, english is not my native language and I'm trying to get better at it, so reviews are needed. But please no hate! Thank you!

It happened on the last day of summer, just when the sun came down and the sweet taste of watermelon in my mouth merged with a bitter taste of cigarette. As the blue and orange colors of the evening sky faded, I stood up and left the beach, leaving my worthless summer days behind. I found only a small amusement in taking a life of this stupid cigarette with my own fingertips, it hurt, but not as much as I wanted to. God damn it. Something about my existence was clearly on the edge of sanity, nevertheless I never had the guts to take a violent action on myself even though it crossed my mind countless of times. I could still hear the noise of the sea slightly trembling in my ears, humming like an injured bird, however it was blown away by the cold wind that shattered my coolness with his amicable voice which left nothing but hot mess in my brain. It was weird, yet I wanted that moment to last forever, because for the first time in my life I felt shivers coming down my spine and just by looking in those bright and welcoming eyes I felt alive.

That was the first time I met Naruto.

As days went by, I could hardly shake him away, he remained in my mind like a painful poison, though strangely pleasant. I was convinced that I would never see him again. Cliche, I know, but something about that guy was so strange I wanted to know what was hidden behind his blue eyes. Eventually, days turned into weeks and I got very busy with my school so the thought of a blond man smoothly drifted away from my memories. I was in freshman year of college and I took this shit very seriously so there wasn't really much time to think about someone I didn't even know by name. Oddly enough, one month after the start of a new semester, I got a message about finally getting a roommate at the beginning of October. Needless to say, I didn't like that idea at all. I was glad to be alone in my apartment and not having to deal with a complete stranger. Actually, I really truly hated that idea. It was dumb as hell. My introverted self started to feel very uneasy as the day of his arrival would come.

It was raining that night, I saw a glimpse of car lights and heard the motor die. Rushed footsteps coming closer and closer and in that moment I knew… I just knew I wanted to punch that person's face with all my might. Surely that never happened. I simply got into my bed and waited for the door to open. Anyway, I couldn't sleep due to my insomnia so when the light turned on, I was ready to greet that person with my deadliest glare I could ever manage to do. And I did glare, oh it was hell of a glare. But then I froze.

"Sorry for disturbing this late, there had been shitty weather all day and half of the roads I know are under water so I couldn't come earlier. I'm soaked like panties of a teenage girl! Oh gosh, I'm really sorry about this and- haven't we met before?" He paused and looked at me with his bright blue eyes and that stupid welcoming smile on his face. He was so handsome and yet I could see his flaws from the moment I laid my eyes on him. He was like an open book with all these beautiful pages ready to read. I wanted to finish his book of emotions. But at the end, I just looked away.

"No." I lied, obviously. "Just be quick, I have class tomorrow morning." My voice as emotionless as my face, I wasn't interested in friendly conversations, so I rolled over to face the wall and closed my eyes. I heard his grumpy mutter and his heavy footsteps, but everything stopped about twenty minutes later as he got into his own bed and went to sleep. Lucky him, I could tell he was asleep almost instantly.

That was the second time I met Naruto.

I couldn't sleep. Damn me, damn him, damn it all. When I woke up, Naruto's bed was already empty and by the time I got up, it was almost ten o'clock. I lied about having class in the morning too but I didn't care. I was simply glad he wasn't there, so I jumped into the shower to get ready for my school day. The hot steaming water made me feel a little bit better and more awake. Still, I looked like shit. I always loved these little moments in shower where I could clear my mind and forget about the world outside. My thoughts slowly moved to a distant place where I saw this shameless wide smile and sky blue eyes, I saw tanned hands touching my body and little by little driving me to the point of insanity. With eyes shut I bit my lip just to feel the moment, fingertips running down to my lower parts. It was irritable and yet I felt the heat coming out from my body as I jerked off this frustration and unwelcoming lust. Soon I would completely forget about Naruto being my roommate even though he was the main character of my imagination. I didn't know what the hell happened to me but I felt strong attraction and disgust at the same time. I leaned forward to rest my forehead against the cold tiles, loud and sharp breath filled the whole bathroom and my hand began to move faster. I was so into my morning routine that I didn't hear him coming. When the door opened, he stood there with a surprised look on his face which turned into a big grin in an instant. As I rested my back against the wall, I came. Heavily breathing I opened my eyes and I saw a silhouette right in front of me. Holy fuck. There was a plastic curtain between us but I knew he was smiling at me with this sapphire eyes full of joy, and I could feel the blush forming on my cheeks. I quickly put a towel around my waist and tried so hard not to look suspicious. Holy molly fuck! He pushed away the curtain and raised his hand to shake mine.

"I believe we haven't been properly introduced yet, so here I go. I'm Naruto Uzumaki, nice to meet you! That was a hell of a ride in that shower!"

In that moment, I wanted to kill him.

That was the third time I met Naruto.

After that incident I tried to avoid him as much as possible, but soon I realized it was rather impossible than anything else. He was fucking everywhere. Surely, I've been a little overdoing it, but I simply felt his presence although he wasn't physically there. That alone irritated me so much, so when he actually showed up, all I could do was glare at him and make sure to hurt him in any way possible. I was a bitch. And he looked like puppy at times like these - I've said that in my mind a lot recently. This pace of behaviour hasn't changed in four whole weeks so I thought Naruto would hate me by the end of October. At least that was what I expected, 'cause I would totally hate myself too. Not Naruto though.

It was somewhere around mid November when he came home totally smashed. And by that I mean drunk. He got in a bad fight with one of our kitchen chairs and I heard him yell at it as if it was something else, or maybe someone else. I walked down the stairs to face his back, he was standing there, heavily breathing and staring blankly into the space. Just looking at him irritated me but when he turned and his eyes locked with mine, I instinctively hitched, 'cause his expression caught me unprepared, there was a brutal pain hidden behind his bright blue eyes and I realized how much about him I didn't know at all. How long has it been there? I couldn't tell but I felt like it's been there since the very beginning, kept in a faraway place, locked behind his beautiful smile that his face has been missing in that moment. It surprised me to see his face drowning in such emotions but I managed to keep my usual glare. I felt the need to say something to encourage him, to make him smile again, but I decided to go against it.

"That chair ain't gonna answer to your stupid complaining. Don't you have friends for that?" I said flatly and my face simply added " _I don't care."_ But somewhere deep down in my mind I tried not to care. His smile returned slowly to his lips, however his eyes were still filled with this overwhelming loneliness, the same I felt myself.

"I have you, Gaara." He whispered bluntly with a shrug, it all looked so damn wrong.

"I'm not your friend, friendship is consensual. I don't do friends with anyone."

"Of course, of course." The only thing he said before collapsing on the couch, was again filled with sorrow I could catch like morning dew on my fingertips. I really wanted to touch his golden strands and make sure he was okay but I just couldn't bring my body to move. I stood there in front of him, looking like an idiot who tried to pretend he was a fucking clothing rack. His lips parted and he let out a heavy sigh before moving towards me. He was still a little drunk though.  
"I know we're not friends, Gaara. But I'm not giving up on you yet. And ever." He murmured softly and smiled almost sheepishly at me. I stared at him with blank expression and said nothing, as usual. In my defense, he already made it halfway to our bedroom. I couldn't figure out why I let him leave. That night changed a lot and yet nothing at all.

* * *

I could see Naruto tried to befriend me multiple times, as if it was more important than anything else in his life, but I tried just as much as him not to fall for his stupid smile. I didn't understand why he had been so persistent all this time, but it always ended up the same. Ten points for me and zero for Naruto. In spite of his repeating failure, he never gave up on me, not even once, so I started to act a little more bitchy to chase him away from me and I really truly believed it would work. It didn't. There was this particular night, when I almost failed and had really bad time to convince my brain to start working again. We were at our apartment discussing latest homework for our history class, well at least he was and I kept myself in silence for the most part.

Not so long after that we ended up in one sided heated conversation about tutoring, Naruto tried to persuade me that he needed it, but with his unlimited passion I could've sworn he would be an A student even without my help, not that he was that smart but he was that tough and tireless. . Obviously, there was something else in his request though, so I made him spill it out and regretted it few seconds later. Yup. His lips slowly curved into some sort of crooked smile and I saw a glimpse of sadness in his eyes which didn't belong there, I hated it, but at the same time I tried to hide my affection towards him. I was a mess. He, on the other hand, seemed to be more composured than ever. His unwavering countenance only seemed to make it more clear how unsteady my own was. His hand reached out to mine and I could feel fingers gently drawing unknown paths around my wrist, I did not pull my hand away from that touch, I wanted even more of it and mabye he wanted to touch me as well, but it vanished nevertheless. I realized I was holding my breath all the time and now I tried to find my usual glare somewhere within my memory.

"I can't do this assignment on my own, it's about my childhood and history of my family." He said somehow sadly and let out a heavy sigh. "I don't have family, I don't know what to write."

At that moment, I lost it.

That was the fourth time I met Naruto.


	2. II When you left

: Thanks for review! Second chapter is out! :)

That was the fourth time I met Naruto.

I don't know what happened then, but I found myself getting closer and closer to Naruto, my hand slowly brushing against his thigh and my voice almost a broken whisper that said: "You can write about me. Just put your loneliness into words and write that, write anything you feel when you are alone and when you are with me. It doesn't have to be true, it just has to be convincing. Tell them you found your family in our friendship. They don't know a shit about us, it won't be weird. Let me help, I can do it for you." I didn't know what I was saying back then but I wanted to help him, I just didn't realize I wanted to help myself too, 'cause that feeling of his was strangely similar to my own. "Write down we had been enemies until recently or something like that. And now we're like brothers. Build up your family past, you don't have to tell everyone how lonely you are, Naruto." Okay, this was weird, I have been acting really weird and I didn't know how to stop myself. Naruto, on the other hand, looked like he got shot by a fucking shotgun, his expression was priceless though, this mixture of disbelief and embarrassment was kinda cute. Not that I would admit he was cute, not at all, never. Nope. But he was. I loved his smile that always seemed to come out of nowhere, his bright blue eyes filled with joy for the most days, his amicable approach that alone irritated me so much, but whatever, I loved it anyway.

We were working on his homework till midnight when it was finally finished. He never seemed to care about my hand on his thigh and I forgot about it myself, until I instinctively moved it and he hitched. That sensation filled my crotch with blood and all I could do to help this situation end, was escape. And so I quickly left the room followed by Naruto's blue eyes locked on me. I could not believe I had had a boner just from one touch that didn't even meant to be done. He saw it, I was sure of it. As I was sure of what he had felt in that moment. Everything was so very dangerous.

The next morning was rainy in both weather and my mood. Fucked up, to be clear. I woke up too early to consider myself well rested. First thing I could think of was him as I saw his golden strands peeking from under the blanket, he was still asleep, in his dreams. I took a deep breath and rolled out of my bed, my feet felt instantly cold and I cursed the fucking weather for such thing. I stared blankly at him and I knew all this would never work out well. Me. Him. Us. I could feel anger growing inside of me so I moved to the bathroom and took a shower. No faps for me this morning, I thought, I felt just horribly out of my comfort zone, because I could see that bastard everywhere. That's when I decided to move out to another apartment. What could possibly go wrong, right? If I move out, everything's going to be fine again. Or so I thought. And I didn't know how fucking wrong I was. Shower was nice though, I put on a pair of grey sweatpants and black turtleneck sweater afterwards and headed to the kitchen. Great gods I only made my black coffee when I heard him sing from the bathroom. I quickly grabbed my coffee mug and a packet of cigarettes and went out. Due to heavy rain I ended up on the balcony where I was safe from that ubiquitous wetness. This weather really made me sick, I hated it. I also thought I would be safe from him on that balcony. I took a cigarette and lit it, it made me feel a little bit better, nonetheless it hadn't been for too long before he showed up next to me with his stupid smile again. I almost rolled my eyes at him. I really wanted to bring myself to hate him but I just couldn't. His presence seemed so soothing even in moments like this, when I just wanted him to disappear from the world.

"Hey, Gaara." I cut him short with my dead glare, but it didn't look like he cared about me pushing him away. He remained standing right beside me and gave me a confident smile. How was I supposed to resist that smile? I tiredly sighed and said nothing.

"You should stop smoking, it's not good for your health, you know. Oh and yeah, thanks for yesterday. I mean.. the homework." He reached out to me and patted me on the back, his eyes followed his hand and the "pat motion" changed into some sort of caress. A light touch, yet so vibrant, that gave me chills and even though it was cold outside, I felt incredibly hot. He seemed to notice and thus his fingers just slightly slipped under my sweater on my loins and caused me to shiver.

"Are you cold?" He asked me when he rested his palm against my bare back. I got a lump in my throat that I could not quite ignore, so I just glared and said a quick "no." It took me great amount of time, two cigarettes and one coffee to collect my usual act and when I was finally ready to get the fuck out of there, his hand left my back and he amicably smiled at me.

"You look nice." Was all he said.

Glare was all I did before finally taking my leave.

We didn't talk much after that, the whole week flew by and I haven't been able to find decent apartment near the campus. I was upset and my determination slowly decreased, so did my carefulness. One evening I left my computer in living room with some opened websites on it and of course Naruto noticed what I was up to. He frowned at me as I stepped back to the living room and was caught off guard.

"You're looking for new apartment? You wanna move out?" He asked directly. I always liked how straightforward he was about everything. I glared at him and sat back to my notebook to shut it off, I wasn't ready for such argument so I remained silent. He didn't.

"You can't be serious. Why the hell would you want to move out?" He almost shouted, sounding a little bit hurt.

"Shut up, it's none of your business." I said bluntly, got up, grabbed my stuff and headed for the exit. But after a few steps I felt as his fingers touched my skin and he grabbed my wrist to stop me. I tried to free myself but his grip only tightened.

"What's your problem?! Anything happens and you run like a murderer from a crime scene. Every-fucking-time, always just running, escaping, leaving. And then these glares and glares and glares! Damn it, what's your problem, Gaara?!" He waved his free hand around him as if trying to get rid of the flies which weren't even there. His bright shimmery eyes filled with this overwhelming loneliness again, the fear of losing someone, anyone. I could read his face perfectly as if he was saying something completely different from what I had heard just a few seconds ago. Silent request. Don't leave me. Or maybe I was seeing things. And just maybe it was me who didn't want to leave. Maybe.

"You, Uzumaki. You are my problem." I said coldly, my wrist now resting in his palm, I felt the heat of his touch even in this moment, I really wanted to get closer to him, but that never happened. I couldn't stop myself from hurting him and I knew it was too late, the damage has been already done. I hated myself for that.

"Gaara..."

"Leave me alone, I don't want to see your stupid face. Ever. Again. No wonder you couldn't find friends at first, you're stupid, annoying and I can't stand you anymore. So get the fuck out already."

He left. For the first time in our short history, he left me there standing in the middle of the room. Alone. And full of shit. That night I felt the urge to cry. I punched him right to his heart by using those words and as I thought I would feel better about it, a huge cloud of depression came and welcomed me in its arms. Fuck.


	3. III The time what?

III.

/: I wanted to say thank you for reviews! I'm really truly grateful!

Tatalindx: Yeah, he's a bitch right now but hopefully he won't be in near future. There so much to love about Naruto, so I assume Gaara won't be able to resist much longer :D :) Thank you for your nice comment, it makes me really happy! :)

GaAiRa: Thank you for your nice comment! I also know the story And:Reboot! And it's my dearest one, I could feel my own feelings in that story but trust me, I've never meant it to be similar to my story, so hopefully it will be fixed in next chapters. :) Gaara was always like this in my own eyes.

Ok, let's hop on to the story!

_

Fuck.

After what I had said to him, I thought there was no way for him to forgive me, so I searched for new apartment even more urgently than before, but I couldn't find anything. As much as I hated saying something like this, I missed him. I missed his laugh that seemed to vibrate through my skin, leaving goosebumps in the process. I missed his stupid complaining and mostly I missed his optimism. The next day we met was kind of weird, because his shimmery eyes were dim, a darker shade of blue, almost like a wild ocean that didn't want to be calmed down. Yes, he was angry, pissed, mad. He was hurt. And it was my fault. There was something incredibly hot about his attitude on those days though, like some sexual tension unlocked somewhere within him and I could sense it. Definitely. Or maybe something demonic was written all over his face, like if he was someone else and not him at all. I yearned for his smile, but it would be fucking lie to say that this Naruto was bad. He never said a word to me on those days, however he never quite ignored me either.

I went to my classes, he went to his own, but every morning and evening we would meet in our apartment and the air would get heavy. I really thought it was over with us, done for. But to my misfortune, something happened.

It was Friday, the sun long gone as heavy clouds stepped to light once more and before I could hide somewhere safe, the rain took over of the evening. I was soaked wet in few seconds and as much as I hated rain, I embraced it and welcomed it on my skin.

"Hey, isn't that Gaara? Hey, you have somethin' for us? Haven't seen you in a while!" I heard calling from across the street and turned to look who it was. A small group of thugs came closer to me, smiling oddly and I knew they were high.

"Hey Gaara, remember me? You sold me the good shit, you know? You have some with you again?" He mumbled and spat on the ground before him, my throat tighten with disgust as I glared at that guy very dangerously. I wasn't really into selling drugs anymore and these people pissed me off everytime they begged for some shit. Not that I was a drug dealer, nor an addict. I just helped my fucking brother every once in a while and I happened to be better seller than him so of course they kept coming back. Fuck that. I ignored the whole gang of fucking addicts and took my leave. Rain didn't bother me anymore so I passed through the puddles and grabbed my cigarettes. The whole pocket was completely wet and it actually worsen my mood a little bit. I threw it in a bin nearby and kept walking from those thugs. But they followed me, one of them more determined than the others, I could hear anger growing in his voice and I thought about how fucked up life actually was, a few seconds later a strong punch came to my view and met my left cheek as I tried to turn and look what was happening. A sharp pain broke out in my head and I fell, gracefully meeting the ground with my other cheek. My world blurred for a moment that felt like forever, then another punch woke me from my dizziness and I started to fight back. That's when the other guys joined the action and I realized I have no chance against them all. The rain kept stroking me on my aching face, and the cold soil cooled my burning skin. The silent park echoed the sounds of their swearing as the blood ran down my lips and left drops in the puddles beneath me. It was somehow beautiful, the pain, the painting of blood and rain on the concrete, my reflection on the water no longer hiding emotions pouring through my veins. I managed to kick one of them in the crotch and the other guys fell on me like flies afterwards. My vision started to blur again, this time with bloody curtain enveloping my eyes. It hurt, damn it did.

"I told you gimme some of your stuff, I need it! Give it to me, I need another shot! You have some!" I heard cracked voice yelling in despair as he tried to search for his dope in my pockets. He never found anything.

"Fuck you." I said tiredly and received another kick in my stomach. I curled up and coughed viciously.

"Hey, aren't you guys a little cocky? You should run before I change my mind and put you into hospital with some broken bones, you know." A light voice came from across the street, light and yet so deeply vibrant that it left me breathless. My heart was pounding strongly against my chest just from that one sentence. I didn't have to look up to know who it was, I could recognize his voice everywhere. Damn, why him. I didn't want him to see me like this, so I tried to creep away silently.

"Stay where you are, you move just one bit and I kick your ass too, Gaara." Naruto warned me, I heard something incredibly dominant and decisive in his voice that kept me in my place and I couldn't move. I actually wanted to obey his words for once so I stayed eventually.

"Naruto, don't..." I tried to reason with him so the thugs wouldn't hurt him too, but he never listened to me. When I finally looked up to his face, my breath stuck in my throat and my eyes widen a little. He was slowly approaching us, hands nonchalantly in his pockets and eyes as hard as stone. They were practically glowing in the dark with anger so intense that it almost hurt to look at him. I, once again, loved this thing about him. How his emotions flew everywhere, how he wasn't ashamed of what he had felt. He was completely exposed to those thugs and yet so composured that I realized how unsteady I was. The rain dripped from the tips of his blonde hair and formed the paths on his tanned cheeks, his wet t-shirt sticking to his muscular body, revealing tension from the whole situation. I watched him in amazement as he reached to one of the guys and laid a hand on his shoulder. His grip had to be strong enough to create uncertainty in the man's face. But it was not enough for them to leave. One of them jumped after him and tried to punch him. What happened then was so fast I did not even have the time to recover. I cowardly closed my eyes shut and curled up again. Everything hurt so badly that I didn't want to watch Naruto getting beat up the same way I did.

Raindrops falling like little pearls from the tip of blonde's nose, mixed up with sweat and blood that didn't belong to him, they way he fought was almost demonic and hellish, because he never hesitated, not even once. He fought for me so hard and I couldn't even look at the outcome of it because I was too scared. Not scared that something would happen to me, but terrified that something might happen to him. Eventually I looked up again and saw Naruto standing, wiping mixture of blood, sweat and rain from his face, the thugs were trying to escape with every little power they had left in them and I was shocked. Our eyes locked and for the second time in my life I felt shivers coming down my spine and just by looking in those bright and furious eyes I felt alive.

That was the fifth time I met Naruto.

"Gaara," he said softly and a light touch landed on my head, fingers brushing my wet hair away from my face. His palm was warm and I realized I was freezing on the wet concrete so I tried to stand up, but he reached for me and held me for a moment, saying nothing. So I gave up on standing and leaned forward to him instead.

"I'm sorry," I whispered quietly and lowered my head as if in attempt to hide myself from the world. I let the rain to sooth and wash away the pain on my body, his embrace though, soothed the pain in my soul. What an irony, right.

"It's alright, I know you're just as lonely as I have been my whole life, so it's fine to say that we're even." He smiled at me and his eyes filled the air with brightness, I thought I was no addict but I had this feeling that I might be addicted to his smile and presence. I lost my control that night and let him take care of me. His answer surprised me and I slowly pulled away from him to meet his wild and kind gaze.

"How..."  
"Stop it, Gaara," he cut me off, "I know everyone thinks I'm stupid, but that's not actually quite true. I can see when someone is in pain, suffering. I've always known so don't try to pretend you're like a happy burrito when you're not. Can you stand? We have to get you home to treat your wounds before you catch a cold or something." He smiled at me and helped me to my feet, I hissed at the pain overwhelming my body and he held me close, so in the end it wasn't that bad.

On the way back to our apartment we walked in silence, but it was actually pleasant. My thoughts were rapidly drifting away to forbidden places with Naruto as a main character. God, this was seriously dangerous.

Seriously.

When we arrived he led me to the bathroom and sat me on a toilet seat. He himself was wet but it seemed he didn't mind that fact one bit.

"Take off your clothes, you need to take a shower, I'll treat your wounds and make you some hot tea." He said with a soft smile and I stiffened at his words, widening my eyes and swallowing hard.

"What?" I asked dumbly, narrowing my eyes a little. He just laughed and waved it off.  
"Hey, I've seen you naked before and I think it was much more awkward than this, actually, so come on."

"Shut up and turn around, don't look at me." I managed to find my beloved glare and used it on him. Again, this smile of his was present, this laugh, these slightly parted lips curled in smirk. And then he finally looked away and I began to strip.  
"I can strip too to make you feel better, Gaara!"  
"How the fuck would that make me feel better, you tell me." I glared at his back and hoped for him to get undressed. Or maybe I wanted him with his clothes on so I could control my desires. I didn't know anymore. It took me great amount of time to get undressed and Naruto had to help me with my pants, because I was so sore I couldn't even bend. The part when he took my boxers off was the worst. He had been smiling like an idiot the whole time and tried to make jokes about my penis and the whole situation. I felt embarrassed as fuck. My cheeks turned as red as my hair and I sent him a few dead glares, but it was pointless.

I got into the shower to warm myself and he stood right beside me to offer help whenever I was in need of it. He took his wet shirt off and left it on the ground. I promised myself I would not stare at his bare body, but he caught me in the act and I lost myself within those bright blue eyes. It took seconds for me to lose balance on the wet floor and I almost fell out from the shower. He was quick to react and held me close.

"You look nice like that." He said with a wide smile.

"Shut up." I said with a dead glare. He laughed, I blushed.

I knew I shouldn't wash my wounds with water, but did it anyway, trying so hard not to look at him at all. But somehow he knew what was going on, he held me the whole time so I couldn't fall again and stayed silent, looking directly into my face and nowhere else. I was glad for that. Then his hands moved a little, just a few inches, but it was enough for me to gasp at that sensation. I hurriedly looked at him to tell him to stop messing around, but when our eyes locked, I gasped once again, trying to swallow a huge lump in my throat. I saw a glimpse of mischief mixed with curiosity in his face and when he moved his hands down and up my back slowly, almost madly slowly, my body began to react to his touch, leaning towards it as if it was the only thing I had ever wanted. The hot water pouring on my skin made it a little bit worse altogether, his hands roaming gently against my belly, chest and up to my neck. He took a great amount of soap and started rubbing it onto my body with gentle caress. Goosebumps broke out on my sensitive pale skin almost instantly as he examined every crook and crevice on me. His moves were simple and yet so vibrant it left nothing but hot mess in my brain, I was getting seriously aroused and that wasn't really a good thing in this point so I tried to turn around, but his fingers found my nipples and stroked them tenderly. I let out a weak hiss but it was enough for him to smirk at me pleasantly.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing." I said heavily and glared, he just smiled like an innocent child at me. My ass, innocent, sure. Hell no.

"I'm just taking care of you, Gaara. And someone should take care of this." He pointed out on my crotch as it started to react to his touches. I felt heat growing in my face and I decided to leave his beautiful touch, eyes and everything. But he never let me go. What was I supposed to do in situation like this. I could feel anger growing inside of me as he continued his journey on my body.  
"Do it then. It's your fault I feel like this. Take care of it." It wasn't really meant that way, but I was upset because he made me feel that way. And when he looked at me with surprised expression, I sighed.  
"Figures." I said bluntly and thought it was finally over so I reached to shut the water off but my hand froze in the middle of the air as his palm moved in slow motion down to my groin. I gasped as his fingers wrapped around my penis, and I had to bite my lip to make no sound. The feeling of his hot palm on my manhood was more than I could bear, I felt weak in my knees, and a wave of uncontrollable arousal took place, which was reflected in a greater hardening down there in my crotch. Shit, this was not supposed to happen, but he was standing next to me, holding me with one hand to help me stand on my feet, and the other slowly and provocatively pumping my manhood. As if the world around me collapsed into small pieces, I breathed a loud mixture of excitement and uncertainty that was reflected in my teal eyes. In those of his, on the other side, the dark oceans revolted, gleaming with infinite depth, as if each of his senses flowed out into his face and changed it into something unimaginably beautiful. The bathroom soon filled the sound of pleasure, and when I tried to calm down, Naruto leaned to my ear and whispered seductively.

"I want to hear you, don't hold it back, you are beautiful." And just as those words were heard, he licked my ear gently and breathed a warm breath on the saliva path he had just made. So little was enough for me to come harder than ever before in my life, panting loudly as if there was no air in the room. Fuck. Fuck it.

That was the sixth time I met Naruto. And damn it was good. 

But seriously. Fuck it. I messed things up.


	4. IV Fucking floods

AN: This chapter is a little bit shorter and I'm sorry for that, hope the next one will be longer and better. This one sucks, oh god. :D

IV. Fucking floods

Panting, I locked my eyes with his and looking terribly stupid, I said something about how I didn't want this and all that crap. Naruto didn't seem to understand my blabbing but he let go off me, slightly pulling back from my personal space.

"Sorry." He whispered as if he didn't even know what to apologize for. I frowned and suddenly that anger found its place in my chest again, growing insanely fast and blurring my fucking mind so I couldn't think straight. Why not, right? I started to question my sanity once again as I glared at Naruto and told him to get the fuck away from me. I didn't mean to say any of it, but I felt awfully fragile, I was afraid of what might have happened in that moment, so I made sure to reveal no emotion whatsoever, and when the door closed behind his back, I sighed, because it didn't make me feel better one bit. I wanted to disappear from the world, but I got out of shower instead and tried to put on some clothes, which turned into hell of a challenge for me with all that pain I was in at the moment. I clenched my teeth and did it nevertheless, the last thing I wanted was to call for help when the one who pushed him away was me alone. That was absolutely out of question. I managed to treat my wounds somehow and headed out, ignoring the blonde who tried to reason with me and keep me home. Fuck him, I wanted to be alone.

As days went by, we weren't really on good spirits, we barely spoke to each other and I kept myself busy with school and my archeology project. As for him, he seemed to be busy with school as well. Just when I thought our nonexistent friendship would be finally done for, faith had to stick its fucking nose to our lives again, even though no one asked for it. Rain was getting heavier and heavier with each passing day and December was just behind the door, but no signs of snow yet. It had been unusually warm weather that autumn, however the sun wasn't actually the reason behind it, the sunlight was so rare that I felt more fucked up than back in the worthless summer. Even my insomnia had worsen with all that gloomy weather. Fog was present almost all day everyday, I was sick of it and it showed its fruit in my grumpy mood. Naruto tried to talk with me but I returned to my blank stare and ignored him most of the time. Only when he said something that included our apartment I simply noded or shook my head in respond. It was all he could bring out from me at times like these. It was good, I didn't want to be his friend or anything else, I wasn't really interested in friendship with anyone. He tried again, though, but I shook him off every fucking time he had the guts to venture it. The thought of him rubbing my manhood chased me in the little of dreams that I had left due to my insomnia, no need to say that I hated it, because it happened more than just once when I woke up with erection between my thighs and I didn't want that at all.

But that fucking faith. That. Fucked up. Faith. The news kept talking about floods in numerous areas around our city but I thought everything would be just fine and we would be safe. How wrong I had been I realized few days after when I woke up to a floating kitchen. The hell? Why did I take that stupid sleeping pill? Naruto was nowhere in sight and I rushed to the window to look outside if there had been any damage yet. I saw the blond man across the street, water way above his knees as he fearlessly tried to help other people in our neighborhood. I would never admit it out loud, but that morning I saw a child's dream, a true hero. He was just like that. I stared breathlessly at him through the window and was amazed by his abilities he had used to secure every floating object, to help every lost kitten, to safe every fucking inch of garden, house or whatever he had to, from that nature force. He was soaking wet and trembling with cold, I could see that even from my point of view, it looked like blueberries touched his lips and left the blue color on the skin. I was sure he knew about the situation in our apartment and still hurried out to help others, abandoning his own house in other's sake. This side of his I did not understand at all. That burning need to help everybody was irritating and impressive at the same time. I ran to the bathroom to put some clothes on and grabbed a bucket and soon after I tried to get the fucking water out of our apartment, but it was useless like my whole existence, the water just kept rushing in through broken front door. I gave up. Rubbing my temple I stepped out to greet another rainy morning with my skin, leaving one fucking bucket to its own fate, because I couldn't care less. My wounds from earlier were mostly healed, but I wasn't exactly in good shape yet, so I didn't come to help others.

Once again, I found him with my eyes, I could tell he was not feeling very well but gave a bright smile to encourage others anyway, it somehow made me sad and I had realized in that moment how lonely he must've been. People took his care for granted and never did they return it back. My sadness slowly turned into annoyance as I encountered him and grabbed his wrist.

"Naruto." Was all I said. He glanced over at me with surprise written all over his face, but managed to keep a gentle smile nevertheless.

"Hey Gaara, what's up? Wanna help me with this?" He asked, his voice a little bit cracked from the cold, that alone was enough for me to start dragging him back home.  
"Leave it, you've done well, don't push yourself too hard, your health is more important than this." His smile couldn't be found on his face anymore, he looked just as surprised as I felt. I didn't know why I told him that, but I was so pissed at the whole fucking world that I didn't even need a reason to explain myself. To him or to me, to anyone. I just wanted those jerks to stop messing with him, to stop taking him for granted, it made me sick.  
"But they need help, can't you see? Don't act like you care about me and let me go." He didn't want to give up yet, though. I wanted him to shut up already, I stopped halfway to our apartment and let the water flow around us, my fingers never left his wrist. I started to feel cold and it had to be just five minutes or so what I spent in that damned water. What about him? He was there for hours, I was sure.

"You're right, I don't care. I just can't stand those fucking jerks that take your help for granted. I can't stand how you help everyone and yet there is no one helping you back in any case. You give everything and receive nothing back. I hate how you abandon everything that is yours to put the needs of someone else in the first place. You, Naruto, you are important, you should be the priority number one to yourself. Not the people that don't care about you one bit. I hate it, I just can't stand it. Now shut the fuck up and come with me already!"

"That's the most you've spoken to me over the past weeks." He said, smile just slightly returning to his lips as if it made him feel a little bit better, a little less lonely. I didn't know and I surely didn't care, did I? Yes. I cared. And I think he knew it. Fucking asshole. At least, he let me to take him home. On my way to our bedroom, I kicked the bucket away and led him upstairs. I guess we had been kinda lucky, because only our kitchen has been damaged by the water, the rest of the house was okay.

"Take off your clothes, I'll bring you something clean and dry to put on." I said flatly, but his reaction caught me by surprise, because he was about to laugh his ass off.

"What's with the attitude?" I asked incomprehensibly and my voice rose a bit higher as I couldn't really manage to keep my shit together, after all I was still a little bit upset.  
"Yeah yeah, sorry, I just find it funny, 'cause we've been using this quite a lot recently. You know, the part with taking our clothes off." He chuckled like a teenage boy and I couldn't bring myself to hate him, he was so damn cute, never would I admit that, but yeah, he was cute. He was everything that I was not. We were so very different.  
"Asshole." I glared at him viciously and opened the cupboard to find some of his clothes he could put on, I didn't want to see him naked, because that would be very dangerous, not to mention one little problem between my thighs. Yeah. A certain part of me wanted him this way.

"Hey, that was mean!" he sounded as if it offended him, but the sunny smile was again present on his face so I knew he was more likely joking.  
"Well deal with it, I am mean." I said in response and finally turned around to face him again, and god help me, he was almost naked. Standing there just in his boxers made my cheeks burn, therefore I handed him clothes and only then I noticed his underwear was wet as well, so before he could say something about anything, I spoke once again.  
"Naruto, your boxers are wet too."

"Oh, should I take them off then?" He asked me as if it was a question worth a million and obviously he didn't wait for my answer and took them off to throw that piece of cloth right at my face.  
"Are you blushing?" A mischief could be heard in his voice together with amusement.  
"I'm definitely going to kill you, you shitpot." But instead of doing so, I took the boxers off of my head and looked away to stop myself from staring at his hand that covered his beloved Uzumaki junior. Why this kept happening, I did not know but I've had enough, I couldn't bear this anymore. I covered my eyes with my palm to make sure I wouldn't see a single inch of his naked body and sighed.  
"Put your clothes on, for fuck's sake." I insisted and with a little courage left I looked up to see if anything was happening. Luckily, he had his pants on, but I could tell he was missing boxers underneath it.  
"I've missed you." A sudden breeze collapsed on my skin and caused a little shiver as his amicable voice reached my ears, my breath stopped for a second and I had to find my composure to deal with his ocean depths of eyes. I couldn't bring myself to speak so I stood there with face barely affected by his words and with my usual glare. But he knew the lie behind it, he saw through it all and closed the space between us, gently wrapping his arms around me, I gave up and leaned to his embrace just for a little while.

"You know, your mean words, your emotionless stare, your blabbing. I missed it all, I was so happy you approached me outside and spoke to me once again. It made my day a little bit brighter." He confessed quietly and I just simply noded, no words were necessary for it. He tried to befriend me multiple times and this particular one was the last, because this time I allowed it. Not because I wanted it, but because I was already so tired of pushing him away. And so we became friends somehow.


	5. V One kiss one choko

/: Another chapter is out! This one is kinda weird, but I hope you will like it! Thank you for you lovely reviews! I tried so hard to write it asap!

*/*/* V. One kiss, one choko

Floods were still on its peak and even though our area had recovered rather quickly, the water level hasn't dropped until a few days later, when everyone had been busy with repairing damages caused by that shitty weather. I was also busy, because that stupid blond man got himself sick. He had been helping others every day and of course he caught a cold. I even had to force him to stay in bed but he wouldn't listen to me, so when the fever came, he had no other choice than to stay home and let me help him. Not that I wanted to help him, 'cause I was surely not a damn nurse, but I had nothing better to do since the school had been closed for three weeks due to ongoing events in the city. During those three weeks, we grew a little bit closer and I became a professional medic because of Naruto. No matter how hard I tried to persuade him to go to the doctor, he refused every fucking time and said it's nothing but a cold, however it didn't seem like nothing to me. One evening I had to wrap him up with cold towels to make the fever go down a little.

Few days after that, he tried to reason with me by telling me he was feeling okay, but that just wasn't enough for me and I couldn't understand why he had to push himself so hard and why the heck he couldn't stay in bed for a few days. It was irritating.

"Seriously Gaara, you worry too much, it's just a cold, I'll be fresh in no time, you'll see!" He said with tired voice, but managed to keep a smile on his face, although it was kind of dull and lifeless. I didn't believe him at all, because how could I trust someone who looked just like poorly wrapped burrito? Well I couldn't, that was obvious.

"Naruto, don't be such a dickhead, you are sick, I'm not asking for your permission this time, I'll bring Sakura tomorrow to check on you. And don't you even dare say something against it." And by saying this, I thought I had won the nonexistent fight with him, but I was wrong again. What a stubborn prick he was! He slowly inhaled my menthol mixture I had made for him to ease his stuffed nose, I waited for a response and when he opened his mouth to speak, I wished for him to just shut up and get poisoned by that menthol, but it never happened, as always Naruto had to butt in and change the whole fucking scenario.

"Hey, I'm little bit better at healing than others and when I tell you it's okay, you have to believe me. It's not your responsibility to make choices for me. It's okay, Gaara." He said tenderly as if I was some little girl who just lost her fucking lollipop. It insulted me a little, so I glared at him and said the first thing that came to my mind even though I didn't want to say that at all, it just slipped.

"Oh, you're one to talk, Uzumaki. Let me remind you it was you who forced me to strip after the fight with the gang of fucking addicts and then it was you who fucking jerked me off although I didn't ask for it in any fucking way." I used so many "fucking" words at that statement that I could be easily nominated to _"The most swearing guy living on planet Earth."_ I glared at him with one dangerous look but he smiled anyway and raised a hand to slowly brush away strands of blond hair from his forehead, the other hand found mine and with one little pull he placed it on his burning skin, closing eyes so I couldn't see these blue depths anymore. My glare only deepened, afraid of what might had happened, but he just held my hand on his forehead for a moment. With a little confused look I searched for some hints in his expression, but his stupid smile was the only thing I could find, mischievous smile, damn it.

"Are you telling me you didn't like it?" A soft whisper merged with the taste of menthol in the air and caused me to shiver as if his words touched my skin and left fingerprints in the process. With lids slowly revealing his sky blue eyes again, he allowed himself to touch my body once more, but this time it was his shameless stare that did the job. And as I felt his eyes amusingly roaming on my body, it took me more time to recover and answer him that stupid question, so it looked like I was lying again. The fuck with honesty, I lied, obviously, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth for once.

"The fuck, Uzumaki. I was so fucked up that night, I would never do that again, it was a mistake and I hated it."

"Of course, of course." I had a feeling he didn't believe me, but he nonchalantly changed the subject. "Well either way my fever has dropped, you can check for yourself, Gaara. You have cold hands, naturally with that ice cubes you have instead of hands, everything would be feverish." He playfully rolled eyes at me, my ass, that was also insulting, but I just glared and took a thermometer to see if he was telling me the truth. The fever dropped down but why my hand felt so hot against his skin? I didn't know the answer, or maybe I didn't want to know it, so instead of finding the reason why my hand felt like on fire against his skin, I simply moved my palm away to escape that feeling.

"Damn you, Uzumaki." I said coldly with no revealed emotion whatsoever and headed to the kitchen to make him some hot tea.

"I like you too, Gaara!" He almost sang with sheepishly wide smile that filled the gloomy room with sunshine and I realized again how addicted I had been to his very own presence. Maybe I had a little romantic interest in him that I would never admit out loud, but this addiction was way more than that. He was the only person that could make me feel better about myself, as I had realized just recently. Closing my eyes for a moment, I left the room without any reply.

It took him two more days in bed to recover completely, it amazed me how quickly he was able to get better. On the other hand, it took me two more days to accept we were actually getting closer. His amicable voice resonated in my head every time he had spoken to me, his bright aura caressed my inner demons with so much care that I had no other choice than to allow him to be a part of my life. I wanted him to be close and even though I never said anything about it, he seemed to know and stayed by me. It was the second week of our isolation from the world and shops were still closed in our area, so we were almost out of stock, when Naruto found a couple of wine bottles in the cellar and brought them for dinner one night.

"Hey, hey, Gaara! Look what I have! It was in the cellar, we can open a bottle or two tonight. I think we need to get a little relaxed, we don't have anything to do tomorrow anyway." His last words were a lot less enthusiastic, I guess he was the kind of guy who didn't like to stay at one place for too long, I could tell he was unhappy this way, he wanted to go out, for a jog, walk, anything, but the weather kept him locked in our small apartment with me. And just to make him happier, I sighed and went with the idea.

"Sure, but don't get wasted again, I don't want to see you getting in a fight with our kitchen chair anymore." My voice was deadly serious and so was my glare, that deepened when I locked my eyes with his, but he shook it away with a wide smile. Again, looking so darn cute, I could swear he did that on purpose because it made me look away. Idiot.

"Roger that! I won't be cruel to that chair, I promise." And just right after he said that, glasses were on the table ready to get filled, he was prepared for this already and I thought he either believed me that I would say yes or was cocky enough to think he would make me say yes. And to prevent myself from scolding him again, I simply emptied my glass with one big gulp and asked for more. That was exactly where my dignity ended. After three bottles of wine, one packet of cigarettes and I-had-no-idea-how-many bowls of popcorn we spilled on the ground, I found myself standing on the table as I tried to capture Naruto's waving hand in the air to get my fucking chocolate he had stolen from me during our booze session.

"Naaarutoo, give it back." I said almost monotonously, but then my voice cracked like a cookie and I sounded stupid instead, needless to say I didn't give a shit, I just wanted my fucking chocolate back. He was standing on a chair (yes, that chair), trying so hard to hide that piece of sweet from me and his smile only widened when he realized I was not able to reach it from my current position. His eyes were shimmery, as if stars had fallen right into the ocean depths and his shameless smile reminded me of summer sunshine that touched my skin with nonexistent yet vibrant embrace. I almost fell from the table, but managed to stay in place and tried not to get so fucking excited over a stupid smile.

"Nooo, I want to eat it too, you wouldn't share, I know it. So here's the deal. You kiss me, I give you one piece of choko. Sounds good? One kiss, one choko. More kisses, more choko for you, Gaara!" As for him being cute, I took that back in a moment like this and instead of kissing him, I wanted to kill him.

"I don't want to kiss you, you dirty wanker." I said coldly and yet it made him smile a little more, so I narrowed my eyes and spoke once again. "The fuck are you smiling for? Just give me that damn chocolate already." I heard my voice crack again, it must had been that booze, my vision was already so blurred that I saw two Naruto's and that was never a good sign.

"No can do! I don't know about you, but it wasn't me wanking in our shower so everyone could see, you know." Ha ha ha, so funny, I almost laughed my ass off, well no, not actually, I looked at him with my beautiful glare that told him to shut the fuck up, but he continued eventually, his sheepish smile still present. "I can't complain though, it was incredible how all of those walls of yours crumbled and there was only a pure feelings left." He yelled in some kind of melody and I guessed he tried to make a song about me wanking in the shower, but it sounded like he was in a fight with wanking itself. I was also sure the whole neighborhood had to hear that, because he was so fucking loud. I started to question myself if that addiction of mine was only an imagination, because I could not understand how in the world I ended up like this, but only one look in his face made my body twitch with joy. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temple to get a clearer vision, because I was obviously wasted.

"I give up." Only a whisper unlocked those feelings inside of me as I closed the distance between us and my breath slowly brushed against his lips. He leaned forward to meet me with his own skin, but before anything happened, I had to close my eyes again, because I couldn't look at him, I felt so vulnerable. "One kiss, one choko." I said with a mumble, my head was spinning because of that stupid wine and I felt like I might actually laugh, this whole situation was ridiculous. It became even more ridiculous as I tenderly placed my lips on his and he smiled and whispered "I have to pee." But I wasn't ready for such thing, I knew I wouldn't do it sober and I also knew I wouldn't do that again even in drunk state, so I grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer.  
"Well, don't piss yourself then." I hissed right to his mouth before finally kissing him, hard. I wasn't innocent either so when he opened his mouth to respond, my tongue broke through his teeth and I deepened the kiss. I had this plan to kiss the fuck out of him to make him shut up, but just a few seconds later I was put on a second trail. As if some dominant side of him had woken up, he totally led the kiss. That kind of irritated me so I leaned away with one big bite in the process. And as he covered his lips with hands, I took the chance and stole the whole chocolate. Bingo, the plan was a success.

"Oh, you bit me! Where's the choko? No, you did it on purpose!" He actually frowned at me and I smirked for once, because this time I happened to be the winner of our small battle. I hid the chocolate under my shirt and lit a cigarette to celebrate my victory, ignoring my pounding heart, hot cheeks and tight crotch. I could easily ignore everything, except him. His lips were swollen from that bite and as he slowly licked the painful spot, I almost threw away that fucking choko and kissed him again. But instead of doing so, I replaced the need of his lips with a cigarette. He fucking knew how to make me feel alive, my whole body reacted to his presence and I wasn't able to stop it.  
"I'm bleeding, you sure bit me real hard, Gaara. I didn't know you have that within you. Next time, I'll be definitely prepared for this!" He shouted as id it was some competition to win and I rolled my eyes.  
"There won't be next time. I told you I don't want to do it, but you are so annoying and I wanted my chocolate back."

"Not true, you bit me because you didn't want to lose control." He said sincerely and crossed his arms to confirm his own words.

"Is that so?"  
"Yeah."

"What about another bite then?" I asked and killed the rest of my cigarette in an ashtray. I was extremely careful with my words, I didn't want to reveal any emotions and I wanted that control he took from me. I placed ma palm on his cheek just to know where he was, because I couldn't see very clearly, and then I leaned closer again, this time to his neck.  
"Maybe you should stop biting."

"Or maybe, _you_ should stop complaining." I answered in a low voice and took the lead.

What happened after our little conversation, could be named as _"two stupid fucks trying to bite their meats off."_ As I started to bite his neck, he responded rather quickly and before I could even wonder about the meaning of life, he roughly pinched me between his body and the table and I could feel his teeth on me. Everywhere except my crotch. Raw emotions were fleeting to the air and left nothing but pleasant pain as we tried to fight one other. The alcohol made us clumsy and unable to get aroused physically, but emotionally I felt like his unstoppable force tried to win against unmovable object that was me. It was almost magical how he reacted to my touches and yet there wasn't anything utterly sexual. We didn't kiss, we didn't cuddle. It was a strange fight for dominance and I had lost it in any way possible. As his teeth reached my neck and left a soft bruise there, I moaned uncontrollably, almost instantly regretting that stupid idea. This was stupid, I was stupid. And his bites felt so fucking good that I had to thank the booze for not being able to get aroused that much. I would have had a serious boner at that moment. I didn't know how to stop it, I wasn't sure I wanted him to stop in the first place. But when the clock on the wall signalized three o'clock in the morning, we were lying on the floor, sleeping like little babies.

The next morning I woke up with terrible headache and my whole body was sore and swollen.

"What the fuck?" The sun was shining right to my face and even though I would normally love to see the sunshine, it worsen up my fucking headache so I growled and laid down again. Naruto was still asleep and he was almost naked, only with his boxers on, I could see bruises all over his body.

"What the fuck?" I said again.


	6. VI Sing me to sleep

/ I'm so hyped right now! I can't believe I wrote another chapter in a day! Oh god, this is getting really serious. I hope it's not confusing, I promise to explain everything in later chapters. Naruto will probably have a little romance with someone else, but it won't last long, I promise! But I have a feeling it's important for the story to write it like this. Oh and thanks to mm-chan – it's thank to you I wrote this so fast! And the unknown person is there to make you a little bit happier!

VI. Sing me to sleep

We didn't talk much the next day. Not because we were ignoring each other, but because we both felt like shit. I couldn't remember what had really happened last night but Naruto definitely could and he seemed to let it go just for my sake. I didn't know why but even though he felt and looked pretty horrible, he still wanted to take care of me.

"I'm fine." I said, we were sitting in the kitchen, the steam of freshly made hot coffee lightly caressed my face as I inhaled the beautiful smell of my beloved black liquid. He was rubbing his temples while looking at me with tired expression and yet again, with that piercing look in his sky blue eyes, I felt vulnerable. I switched my positions to feel more comfortable but it didn't help one bit, 'cause the main reason behind my discomfort was obviously Naruto alone. I had this huge lump in my throat I couldn't quite swallow, because every time I tried it, it hurt, so I reached to touch my neck out of curiosity, if there had been anything wrong with it in general. Naruto's gaze slowly moved from my face to my hand and followed it until my fingertips met the skin on my neck. And Naruto twitched as I twitched.

"Sorry." He blurted out immediately and my eyes locked with his in confusion.  
"What the hell are you apologizing for?" And for the first time I saw a glimpse of uncertainty in his eyes, as if he wasn't really sure what to tell me. With gaze dropping slowly to his hands now resting on the table, he sighed and I could feel some strange intense aura coming from him, maybe almost demonic that left me with goosebumps. And as he tried to recollect himself back to this optimistic Naruto, I tried to stay stoic and careless. But somewhere within the lines of his unbelievably deep secrets that I knew he wasn't ready to reveal, I conceded and touched his fingers for a brief moment.

"Were you choking me last night? Did we have a fight or something? You look like shit. Is that why my neck is so swollen?" I asked calmly, forgetting to glare at him for once. It kind of surprised me how calm I had felt in that moment, but his expression of utter disbelief was clearly telling me how wrong I was.

"I would never do that to you, I care about you. It's just… we were drunk and you started this bite fight that I got caught into and I couldn't stop, 'cause it looked like you were enjoying it and sometimes when I get too excited I don't know when to stop myself and yeah… then you moaned and it all went too far so I..."

"Stop. I don't want to hear more." I cut him short and stood up, feeling a little dizzy from where this conversation might had ended. And without saying anything again I grabbed my coffee mug and cigarettes and went out to a sunny day. I needed some time alone, because I was so confused. Everything had been so fucking confusing lately. Maybe I was really lucky to know my own name, because I certainly didn't know myself anymore. I couldn't even enjoy the fucking sun, even though it had been raining for past few weeks.

/

The sun wasn't warm at all, it was almost freezing yet it felt good how the golden beams of sunlight shone through the windows and colored the whole room with yellow that reminded me of him. It felt almost like he was with me, touching slightly every part of my body that turned my ghost-like skin to a warmer tint. It felt like life was making its way right to my soul. Naruto was gone for the evening, he had asked me if I wanted to come with him to visit some of his friends, but I declined, I couldn't be with him for more than few minutes, it still felt so damn wrong. And my fucking neck looked horrible, as if I were trying to hang myself. Good. To preserve my sanity, I stayed at home.

As the sun came down and the colors of evening sky faded, I could feel the upcoming night sing the story of my hopeless existence. Naruto didn't come home that evening and I started to question myself, if it was just a dream or did I feel really lonely without him? I went to bed early, but couldn't sleep, so after a few hours of trying I got up at 2 o'clock and went to sit on a balcony. The night was cold, but I didn't care, my body was trembling yet I ignored it and lit a cigarette. I had been smoking quite a lot lately and even though I kept telling myself to stop, I just didn't want to. Watching the smoke as it slowly rose up to the heavens and stained the gray night in an even deeper color, it calmed me in some way. The haze of the fog cramped around me and worsened my view on the driveway. I sat for an hour or so when I saw a car parked at the sidewalk. I couldn't recognize who it was at first, but a few minutes later I heard Naruto laugh from behind our front door so I headed to the kitchen to make myself some coffee. His voice was vibrant, full of joy as he said something to the other person.  
"Yeah, so some other time? It was nice meeting you. See ya!" He opened the door and I could slightly see he was not alone in there. And before he could enter our apartment, that second person grabbed him by his cheeks and kissed him. It was pitch dark so I didn't see who it was, but a huge sharp pain broke out in my chest as I knew exactly what was going on. Why should I even care? Why did I care? I cared and it hurt. After a few seconds of weird silence I sat on a couch and tighten my grip on a coffee mug, staring blankly to the wall, I tried to find my usual glare to not to make Naruto suspicious.

"What a weird persistent guy." Naruto mumbled to himself as he closed the door behind him and when he stepped to the kitchen, his movements froze. "Hey, Gaara? What are you doing here?"

I didn't have the guts to look at him or to respond in any way so I kept myself busy with drinking coffee.

"Sorry about earlier, I get it you're pissed, but I didn't mean it like that." Oh, sure, let's talk about it, Naruto. Yeah, well fuck you. My inner demons kept me in silence but I managed to look at him after all. With a dead glare he did not understand.  
"Are you mad?"  
"No."  
"Then what's wrong? I can tell something isn't right."  
"I don't want to talk about it, I'm fine and you should sleep." I told him bluntly and to my surprise, he agreed for once and left me in the kitchen. Why the hell was I like this? I didn't like it, the pain, the confusion. Him. It didn't take him too long to return to tell me he was off to bed.  
"I'll leave the light on, okay? Come to bed soon, please. You have to sleep." His expression was sincere, I almost believed him he meant it. And maybe he did.

/

The horizon slowly reddened as the sun began to win its battle over the night, but it was still way too early to see the light outside. Silent sleep was brutally murdered by the screaming blond man laying across the room. I almost fell out of my bed in horror, thinking something had happened during my peaceful moment. My eyes widened and I kicked the blanket away to get to Naruto in time. I crawled beside him and hugged him close to my chest.

"Hey, hey. Naruto, it's just a bad dream. Just a dream. I'm here right beside you. I'm here. It's okay it's okay." I whispered anything that came to my mind, I was still shocked and it took me minutes to get him fully awake. I didn't know this side of his, but I felt as if this demonic aura came to my insides again. When he opened eyes and looked at me, my heart skipped a beat. There was this brutal pain again, this overwhelming loneliness that I used to see in the beginning of our cohabitation. For a brief moment, I thought I had seen red in his gaze, but soon after I realized it was just sunshine that finally took over the night and left the demons of the dark hidden behind his tired eyes.

"Gaara, what. You don't have to." He whispered, his voice sounded like a shattered porcelain and it hurt me to see him suffer like this. I forgot about the person kissing him, I forgot about the other night when he marked my neck with his teeth. All I wanted was to be close and to let the demons inside him die. He was always there to help me, to help everyone. But who had been there for him all this time? He had been alone and I happened to be the one who could change that. I never did, though. And as my hand slowly caressed his forehead, I realized how selfish I had been. I didn't know what to do with my hands, what to say to make him feel better, so I just mumbled something stupid and it made him laugh a little.

"Well I was thinking about this new recipe, it's called ramen, maybe we should try to cook it tonight?"

"It's my favorite, we sure can do that."

"Okay. Now let's go to sleep for a bit, okay? I'll be here if you need anything." I said somehow softly and I didn't even know where this kind of voice came from. I was a mess. And maybe he was one too.

"You don't have to." His lids fell and hid my beloved view of the swirling blue chasm in his eyes that seemed to hold the burden of many lives he had saved. Right before he closed it completely, I could see my life in there. Fuck that, this man deserved a lot more than that.

"Of course of course." I mumbled the same thing he used to tell me and with that being said, I quietly started to sing a lullaby so he could sleep a little.

"I really like you, Gaara." He said honestly and fell to sleep, leaving me with my fucked up emotions. It took me hell of a time to answer him and by that time, he was snorting peacefully.

"Me too, Naruto."

Life could be so fucked up sometimes. I didn't know anything anymore.


	7. VII Shitstorm

/: It's currently two a'clock in the morning so if there are any mistakes, please let me know, thank you! I don't know what to say about this one, but I hope you'll like it! 

VII. Shitstorm

As Christmas grew closer, I could hear carols all over the campus, even Naruto had sang some of the most famous in the shower but as much as I wanted to complain, I couldn't, his voice really wasn't that bad at all. So I went with it. On those days, I went pretty much with everything, my mood had risen up a little due to the upcoming season and even though I had never quite celebrated Christmas, the joy Naruto had shown blew me away and there wasn't much I could do about it. I just went with it, trying to give up on every little grumpy feeling I had felt. Not for my sake though, I wanted Naruto to be happier, to burn even brighter, to show him he was not alone in this world. I thought I'd done pretty well until his nightmares returned once again and he woke me up in the middle of the night, screaming viciously like if he was a witness of a murder. There was this particular night, when I saw utter terror in his face that resembled a distress of chimneys crackling in the wind. The sun was missing behind his blue eyes, on the contrary a dark shade of pain had taken its place in his ocean depths and swirled around with derisive smirk. I had missed his bright and loving look but it seemed to be hidden pretty well and there was nothing I could do about it. Fuck. I spent the last two weeks in his bed, involuntarily and absolutely innocently, because with the approaching holidays it was happening almost every fucking night. On some mornings, he even couldn't remember he had had a nightmare, inasmuch as he fell asleep almost instantly again. I tried to find a reason why he kept on having those bad dreams but I never found anything and he kept himself quiet about it as well. It was weird, he acted pretty casual most of the days but at night, everything changed.

"What are you going to do during Christmas break?" I asked one morning with a black coffee in my hands, I slept poorly last night, because Naruto had his nightmare again and he seemed to know about this one, as much as I could tell, he looked very tired. Rubbing his forehead he yawned and glanced at me with a small smile forming his lips.

"I don't know yet." He replied with a shrug and took a bite of his sandwich I made him that morning.

"You can stay with me. I'm going to pay my brother a visit, he invited me, you can come too." I suggested without revealing any sort of emotion, I just blankly stared at him, waiting for his response.

"Sorry but I don't want to be a burden to you, guys. A friend of mine said I could spend some time at his house so I think I have a place to stay during Christmas, but thanks anyway." He smiled and patted me on top of my head, the way he did it irritated me, so in exchange for the pat I glared at him and turned away so I was no longer facing him. So much for being the no-grumpy-Gaara.

"It's the same friend as before, isn't it?" It wasn't a question and he knew that, it was a statement. His smile grew a little wider as he leaned closer to me and whispered, I could feel his breath brushing against my skin and it made me hot. I hated that guy.

"Yeah, it's that friend from earlier. Or maybe you want me to come with you?" That stupid mischievous grin was present as he examined my face as if trying to see these invisible emotions I had felt. But I revealed nothing, staying completely unreadable I glared at him and rolled my eyes.

"No. I don't need you there, have a nice trip or whatever with your friend." Lie be told, he smiled at me, stood up and went to wash the dishes, never bringing that subject again. Maybe he didn't want to stay with me at last. Not that it surprised me, I was a dickhead and my whole existence was a total shitstorm.

Four days later Naruto was ready to leave for his Christmas trip, he packed just a few of his clothes, mainly jeans and long sleeved shirts, I secretly imagined him in these clothes and thought he would look amazing in it. His eyes were full of happiness and I was happy for him too, he told me it's his first time celebrating Christmas and I instantly felt stupid because of my jealousy of him not being with me during holidays. Shitpot Gaara, that was my new name. When he left, I called my brother to tell him I would probably arrive late and he sounded suspiciously happy, so I asked him what was wrong and he only laughed and hang the phone. Bastard.

I started to feel uneasy as if something happened or was about to happen, so two days later I packed my shit early and left to catch a plane. Weather was pretty hot in Suna and I silently cursed it because I didn't bring anything that would ease me from this summer breeze. I rented a car at the airport and headed for the adventures of countryside where my brother lived. I left so many farms and barns behind my back and just when the last one came to view, I pulled my car off the road. Slowly, I drove between white fences, careful not to hit anything. Stopping the car maybe a little too far from the house made me walk a little longer, but I didn't care. I still loved this countryside, where horses wildly ran past me, not bothering to slow down, where time was just a number and where I could rest a little. Putting a key to a keyhole was the last thing I had done before freezing completely. I heard the key in stupid keyhole, and to my surprise, it was my fucking brother who didn't bother to mute the volume. Loud panting soon merged with high pitch yells that I had to ignore if I wanted my sanity to be intact. Oh and I wanted that. Fucking someone just when I had arrived was rude and it worsen my mood so I turned and opened the door, but before walking out to the sunshine I had heard Kankuro scream a name.

"Naruto, your mouth, I'm…!" He came.

And the whole world fell completely black.

/

A soft whisper of the wind caressed his cheeks as it escaped through the open front door. He slowly made his way out, something strange in his heart pushed him towards Kankuro's old barn which was no longer in use. The silent clatter of the horse's hooves was borne through the surrounding landscape and, like a melody, merged by the sounds of strings pulled from the wood of an old guitar that someone had skillfully crafted with their fingers. Dusk slowly won against the sunny day and shone over the tall and sandy grass that danced in the wind with the beautiful melody. Naruto couldn't resist, he wanted to know who was behind it but as soon as he got closer, he heard a familiar voice sing. By the time he finally got in the barn, he was already well aware of who it was there but it left him speechless nevertheless.

"Don't close your eyes, let it be me, don't pretend it's him, in some fantasy. Darling just once, let yesterday go, and you'll find more love than you'll ever know. Just hold me tight, when you love me tonight and don't close your eyes." A husky voice added this overwhelming feeling of pain to the country song and Naruto stood there, completely caught off guard. My husky voice. I was just practicing some old songs from teenage years, remembering there was no Naruto back then, just endless nothingness that held my shit together. I had the feeling I might cry and just when my voice started to crumble, a light one came from behind my back and joined me in singing.

"Maybe I've, been a fool, holding on all this time, lying here in your arms, knowing he's in your mind but I keep hoping someday, that you'll see the light. Let it be tonight and don't close your eyes." For a brief moment, we combined into one voice but it was all gone as soon as I had started, because I stopped and looked at him over my shoulder to greet him with nothing but dead glare.

"What are you doing here, Gaara?" He asked finally after a little while, sounding concerned, his eyes were locked on me. I snorted and stood up, leaving my old guitar in the dust.

"Oh please, Kankuro is my fucking brother." I suddenly barked out, unable to control myself for once, I could feel my hands sweating and shaking like crazy, I could hear a soft hum in my ears that hurt but even though I had showed up so much of my emotions, I had never showed him any pain that I felt at that time.

"What? Oh. Yeah, of course of course. That's so great! We can spend more time together!" I could tell he didn't know how to react to it, however he tried to find something positive in it, but met a dead end that was me. I knew he didn't know about it until I told him and I knew it wasn't really his fault, but seeing him react with such uncertainty in his face made me sick.

"Fuck no. Go fuck my fucking brother, that's what I've overheard you're good at. And leave me alone." I said hatefully, not that I hated him but I felt so vulnerable and so hurt that I couldn't tell what was right or wrong anymore. I, once again, thought pushing him away would make me feel better, but it didn't. I felt just as miserable as before. And before he could say anything, I rushed out of the barn to escape from him. From everything.

/

Kankuro greeted me with smile, clearly happy to see me, I stayed unreadable as always and he didn't seem to notice that me and Naruto already knew each other. That was fine with me, I acted as if I saw him for the first time in my life and to my surprise, Naruto went with it, but I could tell his smile wasn't sincere when he introduced himself to me.

It was one of those times in which I met Naruto again.

My brother didn't know a shit and while I was looking at him as he tried to teach Naruto how to ride a fucking horse, I felt horribly lonely. They laughed their fucking asses off, because Naruto fell more than just once from that hell of a horse. Kankuro wasn't good of a teacher, as far as I knew, he distracted Naruto with filthy touches and it didn't help him to concentrate at all. Fucking idiot. I went straight to my room to forget those images I got to see the whole afternoon, my chest still ached and I wasn't ready to accept the fact that they were dating. Or if I could call it like that, Naruto had his own room and Kankuro stayed in his bedroom.

It didn't took long for Naruto to start having nightmares again and when it happened, Kankuro rushed to my room with terrified look on his face, telling me he didn't know what to do about it.

"Why should I care? It's your boyfriend." I said bluntly and turn my lights off, he turned them on and slammed my door closed behind him.

"Why are you so mean to him? He is a good guy and he doesn't deserve this. I can't believe you are such a heartless prick, Gaara. I need your help, I don't know what to do, you had gone through this before." He said and sighed with disbelief.

"Yeah, that's right. Because there wasn't anyone to help me back then when _our_ mother had these, was there? You all just ran away like cowards and left me, the kid, deal with it. Right, Kankuro." I spat back at him with disgust, clenching my teeth and trying so hard not to punch him in the face.

"It was not like that and you know it. We were dealing with other shit, Temari tried to find herself a job and I-"

"You had been busy with drug dealing, Kankuro. And those stupid addicts of yours found me some time ago and beat the shit out of me. How so? Because _I was involved with you!_ If it wasn't for him, I would've been put in fucking hospital and who knows what else could've happened." After I said that, Kankuro was out of words so I stood up and headed to the door, burying my nails into the flesh of my palms. It hurt, but not as much as I wanted to.

"Who helped you?" He asked just before I could left him in my room, I stopped for a moment.

"It's none of your business, dear brother. But let me tell you one thing. You have fucked up so much in your life and I _dare you to_ _fuck_ _him_ _up_ _._ You don't want to be dealing with me then, you fucker."

I left him and as I approached Naruto's bedroom, I could swear I had heard my name escaping from his swollen lips. His screams were more like broken guitar strings that couldn't play the melody right anymore. Closing the gap between us I sat on the edge of his bed and wrapped my arms around him in a firm hug, he was trembling and soon after I touched him with my caress, he relaxed and brought me even closer, silently whispering my name right into my ear. He looked like he was still asleep but the endless journey of his terror had ended in my arms. I couldn't gave up on him after all.

When I woke up in the morning, his face was so close to mine that I could count his eyelashes, I leaned back and brushed his golden strands of hair away from his forehead. Maybe he needed some care to make these bad dreams go away, I thought. My fingers slightly touched his cheek as I ran down to his chin and down to his neck where I stopped. He was so handsome, how could I ever resist him anyway? My mind was a fucking shitstorm.

"Why do you keep having these bad dreams, Naruto?" Only a whisper escaped my lips and vanished in the silence of the room, I didn't expect him to answer me, but then he opened his eyes and I got lost in them. He seemed to strike through my veins like a painful poison, though strangely pleasant. I couldn't get enough of it. Maybe I was madly addicted, drawn like a moth to a lamp, like a ship to a lighthouse, like a planet to its sun. He was my sun.

"It's a long story." He mumbled sleepily and patted me on my head, normally that would get me irritated but I was more concerned about his issues than about a stupid pat on a stupid head of mine.

"It's not like I have better things to do right now, you can tell me."

"I'll try." He said softly and stole my hand, giving it a small kiss. Maybe I was madly addicted, and just maybe… I was madly in love with him.

"Naruto, are you alright?" I had heard Kankuro behind the door, knocking and slowly entering the bedroom. My departure from Naruto was as quick as a squirrel on caffeine, I didn't want to see this so I jumped out of the window to hide.

My ass, Kankuro had to ruin everything.


	8. VIII Going crazy

AN: This chapter was super hard to write so I hope it won't show in my writing! I listened to boy in the bubble song, it inspired me a lot! I actually used some of the lyrics in this chapter and I hope it's not bad! I'm not really sure about this one, I put a lot of effort in it! God, hope you enjoy it! Oh and it's for mm-chan! Thank you, girl! For being here!

VIII. Going crazy

"So, are you gay or what?" I asked one afternoon when Kankuro wasn't at home, Christmas lights shone through Naruto's golden hair and colored it like a rainbow. He sheepishly smiled at me and shook his head.

"Nah, I'd rather consider myself pansexual. I don't care about male or female, it would work out either way, I usually fall for a personality, you know. If that makes sense to you. Why do you ask in the first place? Does it bother you that I like boys as well as girls?" His entire presence looked like he could be put on top of a Christmas tree as a big shining star, his mood was almost electric, I couldn't resist this overwhelming positiveness he was offering. I wanted to dive into it and never return back to the shitty world we had been living in. My voice was again husky as I proceeded with the answer.

"I don't care about it. You could be fucking a king and I still wouldn't give a shit." I said, not bothering to hide an obvious lie this time. He saw through it and smiled even wider at me.

"Of course, of course. I know, Gaara. Why are you still coming to my room in the middle of the night then?"

"Because my brother isn't able to get his ass up and do it himself. He's such a pussy. " I frowned at him with knowing look in my eyes, his shoulders shook with pleasant chuckle.

"In a way… yes." Naruto looked like he wanted to add something to his very interesting story about Kankuro, who was pussy and I had no interest in this subject, so before he could even speak again, I quickly said.

"No, I don't really want to know more. He is a pussy and that's it." Naruto's reaction was priceless, though, he managed to surprise me again with his words. Laughing softly, he whispered, "there is something incredibly hot about you, Gaara. I don't understand why are you still single." And once he spoke out his mind, I turned my head away with cheeks burning from embarrassment.

"Well, there is something incredibly stupid about you, Naruto. I don't understand how come you are taken." I said after a while, when I tried to figure out what to say to stay safe. He laughed.

"Yeah, I don't understand that either, I thought there isn't a place for me, when it comes to love but I guess I was wrong. Kankuro is a good guy."

I couldn't say anything to that, the silent sureness in his shimmery eyes almost killed me, it was more than I could take, the beams of sunshine in his face that didn't belong to me hurt and I could feel a sting of jealousy in my chest. This happiness was meant for Kankuro, not me. I was nobody. So in the end I just glared at him, stood up and made my leave. He was used to this side of my behavior already, always leaving and avoiding subjects I didn't want to discuss.

"Perhaps you want to go for a ride? Kankuro said he won't be home until midnight. I've learned how to trot and gallop recently! And I promise I won't fall this time! Pretty please?" His eyes seemed to hold my whole world and in that moment I thought I was desperately fucked up because of him. He got me. I sighed.

"One ride around the area. Just one. It's long enough for us to return before the sun sets." I conceded eventually. He jumped at me with his stupid smile and bear hug, suddenly he was all over me, laughing like an idiot. Handsome idiot, to be clear. I tried to get away from him, but he hugged me tightly to the point where I almost couldn't breathe.

"Naruto, I swear to the Sock's God, let me go or I'll kill you." My voice as sharp as a razor and dangerous as an earthquake. Yes, I was so very dangerous. He let go and laughed happily at me.

"Of course of course. Stop messing around, Gaara. Come on." He said with mischief visible in his glittering eyes as if I was the one who was messing around. Sure, he was a fucking holy demon! And before I could tell anything to prove him wrong, he grabbed my hand and led me out to the stables.

Thick air merged with golden strands of sunshine that caressed the world with beautiful scenery, it was hot and yet I loved that sensation, when the warm feeling spread its wings and traveled all over my pale skin. Trees whispered melodies of the unknown songs with their humming leaves that danced in the breeze. And then there was him. His smile, his bright eyes and he could've easily been mistaken for an angel. Or maybe for the sunshine itself. Damn him and damn Kankuro. And of course damn me for being such an asshole who didn't deserve his attention nor his love.

As we approached the stable, I could easily recognize this well known horse smell mixed with hay that I kinda liked. I never said anything about it though and went to a horse named Shukaku, it was a buckskin mare and my fucking favorite horse to ride on. She had known me for almost 15 years and I trusted her completely when it came to riding. Naruto, on the other hand, headed to the corner where Kyuubi had his place to stay. It was Mr. Horse to say at least, because his aura filled the whole stable with wildness. Wild mustang that no one was able to tame, greeted Naruto with a little growl, but I could tell he was happy to see his blonde rider. My mouth fell open and I could instantly play hide and seek with my jaw that ran away from me due to the shock I had been in at that moment.

"You're not planning to sit on him, are you?" I asked slowly, making sure this was just a silly joke, but he smiled at me and nodded.

"Oh yeah, I was so lucky to get the chance to ride on Kyuubi and we work together just fine. He is a very good teacher and he never kicked me out of the saddle so I guess he's perfect for me. Why? Gaara? You look somehow terrified, is everything okay?" And truthfully, I was fucking sure Naruto would die on that horse, but instead of speaking my mind out, I sighed and shook my head.

"I hope you're right. He's a wild one, found in the desert few years ago, and he couldn't be tamed, his spirit is just so unique. Good luck with him." And as I said that, I grabbed my stuff that laid in front of the box and started to brush Shukaku, Naruto went to do the same thing and ten minutes later, we were ready to saddle up our horses.

The beams of sunshine interlaced through the air that tried to hide small drops of dust flying around us, I saw Naruto's hand waving as he tried to capture the dust, smiling wildly and blithely while he led Kyuubi out of the stable. I saw Naruto grabbing a hat and putting it on his head so he looked more like a cowboy. I got on my horse, trying to ignore the lightning that pierced my mind and heart every once in a while. These moments, where I could easily lose myself within him, were the worst of them all. I wanted to ignore the fact that I was falling for him, but every time I tried it, he was there to remind me. And when I felt Naruto hand on my head, I hitched and turned my surprised expression towards him. He just smiled at me and adjusted a hat on my head as well. So we were both cowboys. Great.

It was winter and yet in Suna it looked like summer, expect the thing that the sun was setting so early these days. I checked my watches to see it was almost four o'clock and I thought we couldn't make it back before dark. Locking my eyes with the horizon, where the gold strands touched the ground, I spurred my horse to a trot and Naruto followed me almost instantly. I was surprised to see Kyuubi moving so willingly, Naruto was a natural talent when it came to dealing with all beings, no matter animal or human, he could make anyone to like him and I didn't know how in the world was that even possible. Yet it was. The little whistle of the wind caused me to shiver as we began to gallop towards the setting sun, leaving Kankuro's barn behind our backs.

Naruto was smiling like a little boy, his happy face almost made me smile too, because it was just like looking in the pure lake filled with joy. And even though my face revealed nothing, seeing him like this improved my mood and made my heart hurt a little less, as if he was giving me a mellow touch right in my soul and smoothed all the cracks in there. The way he was holding his reins with one hand and the other one rested on his thigh, was neat and yet it made me feel hot for some reason, as if he was radiating with charisma I couldn't bear. I saw something wild, free and dangerous, I knew I felt the same way when he saved me from those thugs back then. This side of his was quite interesting and intimidating at the same time. But I couldn't calm my inner demons, it was like they were responding to this side of Naruto the same way I was responding to the sunshine boy himself.

And as the sun soon touched the horizon, all the gold colors disappeared and changed into orange. Fire had burned out on the sky and soon after was replaced with dark blue, where the stars showed up and we stopped on the hill to enjoy the death-bed of the day.

"Stars are showing up. I wonder if each one is really a setting sun somewhere." He whispered slowly, his smile was somehow bittersweet, I looked at him and patted my horse on the neck. He was a beautiful person that held the pain of unknown all by himself, and as the last beam of sunshine caressed his cheeks, it left me speechless.

"I love this part of the day, where the day and the night greet each other, it looks like everything is going to be just fine, because we're not alone in this anymore. You know, nature is painting for us the pictures of infinite beauty. It shows me that even day and night can be together at some time." He turned to me and with a soft whistle spurred his horse to a walk alongside the hill. I stayed quiet, not because I didn't want to talk to him, but because I didn't know what to say and not sound stupid. He slowly caressed Kyuubi's mane, his golden strands looked so much like Naruto's and I believed that the horse was born for this non-country boy. There was silent bond between the two, as if they were sure of their needs and weaknesses, and with both being wild and free, there was no one else better for them. A beautiful connection between human and animal that was so unique it made me almost jealous. It was the first time I smiled at Naruto and it made him send the whole world of beams at me. It was the brightest smile I had ever seen, smile that made me shiver, because its power reached even the darkest part of my soul and left me completely exposed to the light he was offering.

That was the first time I met Naruto with my heart wide open. And all the hurting vanished for a brief moment, when his light aura almost kicked me in the balls. Yeah. As much as I wanted to say something, I was still at learning how to fucking speak, so there went nothing. What an imbecile I was. Fuck. Yet he didn't seem to mind and as we walked into the night, he spoke once again.

"You asked about my nightmares earlier. Do you still wanna know?" He looked at me with lips curved into a small grin. I couldn't bring myself to speak much so I just locked my eyes with his and nodded.

"Yes, I want to know." Was all I could manage to say, my throat was dry and my hands wet, I was sweating to the thick leather reins in my hands, but my face remained stoic. As usual.

As the night fell over us and covered us in dark blanket, all we could hear was light noise of hooves and sand cracking under them. The beautiful silence that surrounded us, was meant to be broken in a few minutes. And once Naruto began with his story, I lost myself within his voice and soon I didn't care about anything but him.

"When I was little, most of the kids at orphanage tried to bully me. I didn't want to be bullied so I fought back, but it made them think I'm a monster. So it soon ended up in the correction office and these people thought there was something incredibly wrong with me, that I hurt other kids for no particular reason. Well, that wasn't the case, right? I just didn't want to be all messed up and stuff. Hehe." The light laugh in his storytelling was heartbreaking and even though I didn't say a word, I somehow knew what emotion was behind it. That overwhelming loneliness we both endured.

"And back then, the orphanage was pretty much religious, so when these kids told nurses it was me who started it and that I was a monster, it all went wrong. I'm pretty sure these kids didn't mean any harm at all, but they didn't know how much power their words held. So the principal decided to put me on a treatment, they all believed I had been possessed by a demon and they tried to expel it in numerous of ways. Not to mention that I was still a little kiddo, so I started to believe it myself and that's when the nightmares came to my life." He paused for a bit, our horses led us home, we were just two little black dots in the big world and I felt incredibly small at that time, the stars guided us and glistered above our heads like little lighthouses, but we couldn't reach them, we were small. I didn't want to interrupt him, so I just nodded when he looked at me and soon after he began to speak once again.

"The treatment was… rough for a kiddo, I think. They were using cold and hot water to the point I thought I'm actually really insane. They beat me, they left me in a room full of candles, tied me to a bed and all this stuff. I don't really remember much from it, because my mind tried to avoid the pain I had been feeling since that time. It's like when something bad happens to you, your mind shuts these memories inside so that you can keep your sanity. I seriously thought that _I was going crazy._ But then it happened again and I survived another treatment. And so on. But the nightmares couldn't go away and when I screamed at night, they thought it's the demons inside of me speaking. It was somewhere around Christmas, because I could hear carols in the air, I could see kiddos playing in the snow where I could've been too, _only_ _if I w_ _asn_ _'t me_. I started to see demons in my dreams, but they looked like people and by the time I turned eighteen, I was finally free to live my own life, so I thought these dreams would go away, but it ever happened. It oscillates, sometimes I have them and sometimes I don't. I don't know why, but it's returning almost every autumn and winter, as if my mind knew these days were hard for me. I spent numerous of Christmas and Birthdays in there, trying to prove them and trying to prove me I'm not a demon. I'm so sorry you have to go through this with me, I never wanted to put anyone in this situation." As the last words fell from his lips and died in the silence between us, I had the urge to hug him, but instead of doing so, I spurred my horse to gallop. He followed.

The air was chilly, I could hear an owl somewhere in the darkness, I could hear my own heavy breath, I could hear hooves below me, I could smell the flying dust in my nose and in my mouth. But all I could focus on, was Naruto. His words, his voice that was now silent, his shimmery eyes full of joy and yet full of pain. He understood why I was running away from this nightmare, never trying to stop me from what I was doing, he just followed and we galloped rapidly through the night desert where we were kings. I tried to shake these feelings away and leave them there, in the middle of nowhere so it couldn't chase us anymore. And when he started to laugh, my heart skipped a beat. I looked over my own shoulder to see what was happening and saw Naruto leaning on Kyuubi, their eyes radiating with wildness and joy as both of them surely enjoyed the fast ride through the fields of nothingness. They both looked like demons of the night and gods of the desert. Silly thought, I knew, but because of this sensation my heart wanted to escape from my chest and be wild too. I lied when I told him this afternoon, that he could be a fucking king and I wouldn't give a shit. I would give a shit and I gave a shit. I didn't know how in the hell he was able to enjoy himself so much, when there was so much pain in his heart. He went through a living hell and was able to stay this kind and happy. I was amazed by that.

When we finally approached Kankuro's barn, it was already after midnight, horses were tired, we were tired, but I couldn't give a fuck about that, because Naruto looked like he enjoyed himself. We took care of our horses and gave them a proper rest before heading to the main part of the house. The lights were on so I assumed Kankuro was already at home. And I was right. Naruto went on ahead to greet him with hug, but Kankuro shook him away and walked towards me.

I looked at my brother. Kankuro frowned. I glared. And then Kankuro hit me. And my heart was pumping, chest was screaming, mind was running, air was freezing, Well I squared him up, left my chest exposed and he threw a quick left hook and it broke my nose. I had thick red blood running down my clothes and a sick, sick look 'cause I liked it though. And my heart was pumping, chest was screaming, mind was running, nose was bleeding. Put my hands up, I told this asshole I was ready for a fight. He punched my face, did it 'cause I liked the pain, every time he cursed my name, I knew he wanted the satisfaction, it wouldn't happen, so he knocked me out, kicked me when I was on the ground, it only let him down.

"You son of a bitch, are you trying to steal this last thing I like from me?! You're exaggeratedly friendly with him for someone who doesn't know him at all! You ball sucker!" He screamed at my face, leaving drops of saliva on my pale skin. I looked like I didn't give a fuck.

"You're the one to talk about sons of a bitch. He is my fucking roommate, I've known him for a longer period of time." I managed to say with a husky voice that filled the air with heavy feeling. And then I smiled at him.

But before my brother could beat the shit out of me, Naruto stepped between us and knocked him out with only one punch. He was trembling with anger, his jaw clenched, his face hard as stone and his eyes reflected that demonic aura once again. So maybe he was a demon after all and I desperately wanted him to be my demon.

"Kankuro, what the hell!" He yelled at him with a broken voice, it looked like his behavior hurt him, he grabbed my hand and helped me to my feet again.

"Get out of my house." Kankuro growled angrily while wiping blood from his nose with the back of his hand. 

"Gladly." Naruto hissed back, leading me out to the night but before he left completely, he raised his middle finger in the air to show Kankuro what he was thinking.

Kankuro was drunk, hurt and extremely jealous.

I couldn't hate him for such reaction, at that time I thought I deserved it, because my mind was surely not innocent at all and even though Naruto didn't know, I wanted him for myself. I was such a prick. Maybe I was the one going crazy after all.

"I think I like you." I whispered in the chilly air of the night and my words slowly died on my lips as Naruto pressed me into his bear hug.  
"Shut up, Gaara." He said.

Yes. I liked him. For now, for a long time. And ever since we first met on the beach, when my worthless summer ended with his bright smile that I couldn't shake out of my mind. His smile, his laugh. Just everything he was. It was one of those rare things in life that I found beautiful.

He was beautiful. 


	9. IX This one's for the lonely

IX. This one's for the lonely

A/N: This chapter is a little bit different from the others and yet I care for this one very deeply, because there are so many emotions I've tried to put in it and I hope I succeeded. I think the name of this chapter says it all, 'cause this one… _is for the lonely. Enjoy._

We spent the night at the near motel room in the city, next to a gas station where I could hear the couple from another room in their love making state. Naruto treated my wounds with a wet towel and although he took care of me very tenderly, his eyes were burning with anger, and maybe because of that he didn't say a word to me.

When I woke up in the morning, he was already gone, leaving me a note that said " _I need to talk to him, so don't worry about me."_ It hurt me a little bit to know he left me there, but I understood why he wanted to talk to him, so I grabbed my stuff and headed out to the airport. I wanted to be elsewhere, the smell of this city pissed me off and the never ending desert reminded me of my own stupid existence. I knew Kankuro figured it out and I also knew he was right about me. I was none else than a son of a bitch who wanted to steal his boyfriend. I hated myself for such thing.

Feeling incredibly lonely, I caught up the first possible plane and went home. Christmas break was almost over but I hadn't had the guts to stay at Kankuro's place for New Year's eve, nor had I had the guts to say him goodbye. I couldn't face the weight of the big pile of shits that I had been in. I simply ran away from any kind of trouble. I was hurt and I was scared.

 _Idiot._

The apartment felt somewhat empty without Naruto and the fact that I arrived at night didn't help one bit. Cocking my head to the side, I left the lights off and threw the little of my stuff I had brought with me away, and shutting the door with my foot I went to take a long hot shower. The floods were long gone and everything in our campus seemed to be back to normal, almost every house in the neighborhood was decorated with Christmas lights, reflecting beautiful colors on the white snow outside. It looked beautiful and I remembered Naruto's hair, how it seemed to reflect the colors in Kankuro's house just few days earlier. I thought the shower would make me feel better, but after I got out, all I was left with was frosty feeling of loneliness that I couldn't quite shake off. I made myself a big cup of coffee and turned on the television to see there was a New Year's show, where all the Stars gathered together to celebrate this occasion.

And once the clock were just a minute before midnight, they started counting. I lit up a cigarette right on my couch, not bothering to even open a window, well screw that and screw everything. The dark echoed around me and gave me an unpleasant shelter, where I could greet the loneliness to the point of where I almost felt insane. First teardrop had fallen from my teal eyes and met my palm, as if it tried to paralyze me. When did I become so numb? When did I lose myself? All the words that had left my tongue recently felt like they came from someone else. _I was_ _paralyzed._ Where were my feelings? I no longer felt things I know I should be able to. I was lost and it had been killing me inside, 'cause I didn't know when did I become so cold. When did I become ashamed? I was scared to live but also scared to die, and if life was pain then I buried mine a long time ago, but it was somehow still present and once again it was taking over me. And on the race of life time passed by, I sat back and I watched it like if it wasn't my problem. But it was. I was suffocating and I was running out of oxygen. Fuck that.

" _...3...2...1… Happy New Year!"_ Shouting from all over the campus, televisions and radios had dulled my sense of hearing, but it hadn't helped with the pain in my chest that was only growing like a painful poison. I was alone in the darkness, alone in this life, alone in this misery. My only friend happened to be this fucking cigarette that burned out a minute ago on my skin. Tears were running down my withered cheeks that once boasted the color of the roses, and a little burnt circle on my wrist reminded me that I was still alive.

 _I was paralyzed._

He was alone at the airport, steady noise dulled his sense of hearing, as people came and soon after went away, some of them stayed because their flight had been delayed, the same happened to him. With head hanging between his shoulders, as if he had destroyed all the motivation to smile, he held a ticket in his fingers, that he was not interested in, and his eyes were locked on the ground, obviously lost in their own oblivion. Once again, he felt like a little boy and it looked like his nightmares had came to life, because when he opened his eyes to this world, it seemed to be laughing at him very openly. Desperation found its way to his aching chest and made a mess in his soul, trying to eat him from inside. He wondered when it all became so numb, was it just this morning, when he apologized to Kankuro and broke up with him? Or was it somewhere else?

" _I think Gaara really likes you, I saw through it and I was jealous. I'm sorry for beating him up, it wasn't right thing to do, I love my brother so much and I want him to be happy, because his whole life was a fucking nightmare, you know. Well, I think you especially will come to understand that. But I felt lonely when I found out he's into you. He's been hiding his feelings from the moment our mom died in his arms and I think he is lost. If we're gonna break up now, you have to promise me you will try to help him find himself again. Help him, Naruto. Please."_

Suddenly Kankuro's voice was vivid in his head, his words from this morning were painful, yet he managed to pray for his little brother, Naruto couldn't came to hate Kankuro, the man was incredibly lonely, as much as he could tell, there were complex mazes in their heads, that Naruto had to overcome, if he wanted to get into the core of their souls and fix things properly. For the first time in his life, he didn't know what to do, because at first, he didn't want to leave Kankuro all alone, but then an image of Gaara busted in his head, which he couldn't shake off. It took Kankuro just a few seconds to understand Naruto cared for his little brother deeply. It hurt him nonetheless, but he let him go.

" _I promise."_

With a little sigh he put on his headphones, so he didn't have to deal with anyone around him. The constant humming disappeared in the melody he was listening to. The airport felt somewhat empty, even though there were a lot of strangers everywhere. The night fell over him and once the clock were just a minute before midnight, people started counting. Even on the airport were those who wanted to celebrate New Year. Happy voices echoed around him and gave him an unpleasant shelter, where he could greet the loneliness to the point of where he almost felt insane. First teardrop had fallen from his bright blue eyes and met his palm, as if it tried to paralyze him. That was when the song on the playlist changed.

 _...When did I become so numb? When did I lose myself? All the words that leave my tongue, feel like they came from someone else. I'm paralyzed. Where are my feelings? I no longer feel things, I know I should. I'm paralyzed. Where is the real me? I'm lost and it kills me inside. I'm paralyzed..._

" _...3...2...1… Happy New Year!"_ Shouting from all over the airport was so loud he could hear it even with his headphones on, so he slowly let them fall from his ears and turned to the big window behind him to see the fireworks. The colors were so bright it almost blinded him, yet he didn't feel anything but pain as he stared through the glass to his reflection that looked like there was someone else and not him at all. He was alone in the light, alone in this life, alone in this misery. Tears were running down his whiskered cheeks that once boasted the color of the roses, and a little bloody crescent moon on his palm - from clenching fists too much - reminded him that he was still alive.

 _Naruto was paralyzed._

The night fell over Kankuro as he tried to pretend he enjoyed the blabbing of this stupid girl from next door. He politely smiled at her and shut the door right into her face without actually hitting her. It was cold in the house, as if someone had put him in a freezer, so he poured himself a glass of whiskey and sat down by the fireplace to warm himself. Dark thoughts had taken over him, it was New Year's eve and yet he didn't feel like celebrating, because everything he had cared for, was already gone. He wrote a quick text message and shut down his phone, just to enjoy the silence surrounding him. The house seemed somehow big and empty, as if those walls were expanding and trapping him at the same time, and soon loneliness took over him as he emptied his glass of whiskey in one go. And out of nowhere, there was a memory of Naruto smiling brightly at him and telling him to stop messing around. There was Naruto, who tried to reason with him this morning. There was Naruto telling him he was sorry for everything, but none of these thing just seemed to be right. He was the one who should apologize for acting like a moron. He was the one who hurt his little brother in order to protect his own aching heart. To ease this pain, he had forgotten himself in a big bottle of alcohol.

And once the clock were just a minute before midnight, he started silently counting. He could hear families outside celebrating the upcoming event, their voices echoed in his head and gave him an unpleasant shelter, where he could greet the loneliness to the point of where he almost felt insane. First teardrop had fallen from his dulled brown eyes and met his palm, as if it tried to paralyze him. That was when a huge log in the fire cracked loudly, reminding him of his own cracking heart.

" _You're a good guy, Naruto. I'm glad I was able to meet you, but now I need to ask you for a favor. It has been so long since I saw Gaara like this. Caring and full of emotions. Please, don't ever give up on him_ _._ _Promise me."_

"Huh, he really did promise me, now did he? What an idiot. But somehow we're all idiots." He whispered and his voice sounded husky and not like his own at all. He felt lonely.

" _...3...2...1… Happy New Year!"_ Shouting from the outside wasn't so loud yet he could hear it vividly, so he slowly walked in front of his window to look at the bright fireworks irradiating faces of his neighbors, but he didn't feel anything but pain as he stared through the glass to his reflection that looked like there was someone else and not him at all. He was alone in the house, alone in this life, alone in this misery. Tears were running down his cheeks that once boasted the color of the roses, and a blood running down his fingers from breaking the glass reminded him that he was still alive.

 _Kankuro_ _was paralyzed._

/

A weird sensation woke me up in the morning, the sunlight was so bright I got a headache right away, I was laying on the ground with bunch of cigarettes around me and my wrists were covered with numerous burning dots. It hurt, but not as much as I wanted to, and just when I slowly stood up, the door of our apartment opened and there was Naruto with a bright smile that pierced my heart more than I could ever imagine. There were no signs of loneliness and yet I didn't believe his smile this time. Suddenly, I felt ashamed again, I tried to hide my wrists and escape his presence. I had to escape, because I felt like I was running out of oxygen again. He noticed and made a few quick steps to get closer to me, but I was scared. Of him, of me. Of what might had happened again. I said I liked him and yet I was afraid to face him. His smile fell from his face as he saw my wrists and his eyes turned into wild ocean depths that reflected every fallen star on the sky. I loved those eyes. I walked past him and before my hand could reach a handle, he stopped me by grabbing my shirt tightly.

"Hey. Don't run, Gaara. Please." A whisper so soft it almost melted my heart, his eyes were sincere and full of swirling emotions, I could easily read everything, he was exposed to the point where I could see even the tiny little details in his words. The true meaning. But just when I looked up to his face completely, tears started running down my face again.

"I don't want to feel this again, I don't want to feel like this again, I don't…" I said quietly and hurridly left the room. Again. Still. All the time on the run. I hated myself for such things, but I couldn't help myself, I locked my emotions deep within me so it wouldn't hurt me anymore and yet here he was, exposing me, slowly opening every crook and crevice I had built for the past years. And I wasn't prepared for this. I wanted him, but I was a dick. Torn apart. Paralyzed.

Yes. I was paralyzed by his ability to reach even the darkest of places I had thought no one ever could.

He had to hate me.

 _Because I hated myself._

/

A/N: Sorry to everyone who wanted a kiss, I wanted them to kiss too, but I didn't feel it's the right time for it yet. It just wasn't right this time. I felt paralyzed for some reason, so I borrowed one part of the song "Paralyzed" and used it in this story. And although it was something different, I still hope you liked it. I'm afraid Gaara doesn't make sense at all, but I imagine him as a person who had built so many walls around him to be safe, that when Naruto broke every piece of his insides and exposed him, he feels ashamed, he is scared to open up and he doesn't know how to deal with it, but don't worry. Naruto will teach him everything from the very beginning. And they will be closer soon, really really soon! I hope it makes sense. Thank you for your reviews.


	10. X Bury it in my skin

X. Bury it in my skin

 _A/n: Thank you for your reviews and support. With these two, it's like always so difficult. I hope you will enjoy it nontheless._

 _X. Bury it in my skin_

The air around me felt like a cage, like if I was being trapped and exposed to the world at the same time, and it made me feel anxious. Numerous panic attacks had almost happened. Or maybe they happened and I just tried to ignore the problem I had been diving in recently. The school started and I couldn't see Naruto during the day anymore, exams were just behind the corner and he spent a lot of time in the library, to my own surprise. But every night I would come home to his smiling face, like if nothing ever happened, but behind his smiles and behind his blue eyes, I could see a tornado of emotions that he tried to hide, I was positive it was because of me. Either he didn't want to make me feel even worse than I already did, or he just pretended to be okay with everything he actually wasn't. Nonetheless, it made me sad. I couldn't see the happy swirls or the shimmery oceans depths in his gaze anymore and it was my fault. Somewhere along the way, I decided to make him smile again, vividly and honestly. I hated those people who had taken him for granted, but in the end, I wasn't any different from them, I had been using his kind heart just as much as any other scum he had met in his life. So I made _to do_ list and pinned it above my bed, I was kind of ashamed of it, so I used secret language - merely making little sketches to know what I had in mind - so that Naruto wouldn't be able to see it was about him. And I started this journey. It was tough at first, I didn't know how to accomplish certain things, for example how to be kind to people. I even tried to smile more, but in the end, it was a total loss and I couldn't do anything but to let go of that point in my head. I wanted to be a better version of myself, but I ended up being weird instead. Of course, Naruto noticed.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" He asked me one evening, when I was busy with my homework for history class, I looked up from the screen of my laptop and rose a nonexistent eyebrow at him, he eventually continued. "You've been acting a little weird lately, you know. I get it you're not in a good mood or anything, but it seems something's bothering you even more than before? And we haven't talked much since the Christmas break. I'm worried about you." I didn't break the eye contact until the end of his speech, just then my gaze dropped back to my homework.

"I don't want to talk about it, I'm fine."  
"Gaara…" He whispered, almost pleadingly.

"Naruto." I muttered bitterly.

And I thought this would do the work and he would shut up, because I, obviously, didn't want to talk about anything that included my feelings. He knew, but tried it every now and then. I stopped paying attention to him, digging myself in the work, so I would forget about everything again. It still pained me and I wanted to forget. _Just forget._ Thinking I might be able to change something in this fucked up situation, was naive and at least very stupid. He noticed something was wrong and all I was left with was his sad expression, _because he still cared._ I hated myself. Just few minutes had gone by and Naruto stood up from kitchen chair, making his way towards me, slowly, as if he was scared or uncertain. I continued in my work, ignoring him completely. He halted right beside me, the proximity was addictive, words in my laptop blurred, and suddenly I couldn't concentrate on anything but his warm presence, which poured upon my body with hot vibrations that had been shaken my knees. I closed my eyes and got up, I wanted to escape. _To escape him_. I pretended that he wasn't there, but my efforts had been broken by his warm touch on my wrist. I frowned.

"Naruto, let me go." My voice didn't have enough strength to sound deadly, it was rather tired, sad. And he, as always, knew all that very well. I tried to pull myself from the grip, but he just drew me closer to him and turned me toward him. My butt met the corner of the desk, and my chest was shaking with an uncontrollable pain that grieved right behind the ribs.

"I don't wanna see you like this. Suffering." He muttered to me vigorously. "I do not."

"So don't look at me and you'll be alright." I mumbled between my teeth and for some incomprehensible reason, I grasped his shirt, digging my fingers into the fabric. I wanted so much to be closer, but the proximity was so scary that I'd rather run away. Because being alone was safer than to surrender to his terrifying optimism that I would destroy by nature. "Just do not look."

I could feel butterflies in my stomach, as if they tried to fly out of my body to the surface.

My heart was pounding heavily, my breath crawling in my throat, all the while Naruto seemed to be balanced and perfectly calm. And his eyes were comforting like a mug of hot tea in the deepest time of the winter. He smiled at me, but this time it wasn't goofy or energetic, nor it was sheepish. His smile was omniscient and comprehending, almost as if he was trying to expel all my demons by that one act, and to assure me that his closeness was not dangerous.

"I won't." He whispered and leaned closer, hugging me tightly. I could feel his heartbeat bumping against my temple, his rapid breathing ruffling my hair a little. And I realized he wasn't calm at all. He was nervous. "Because I will clean all that mess you have in your heart. And I will replace it with care and understanding. I won't let you suffer ever again. I promise." He added, softly caressing my back. And just when I was falling completely apart, he was there to collect all my broken pieces and glued it together. He was right there to fix me, even though I had been taking him for granted all this time, he never left my side and stayed by me. I was incredibly, dangerously and undoubtedly in love with him and I couldn't stop it. He hugged my body and touched my heart, leaving all but hot sensation in my limbs. Boring myself into his shirt, I shivered at the touch he was giving me. He smelled like a wild meadow, where plants danced in the summer breeze, he smelled like ocean and his laughter was too much to take, vibrant and sunny. Only he could laugh with his very soul, revealing everything and nothing in the sound. He held me close for a while and I didn't run away this time. Because this time was different. The anxiety of exposing myself slowly drifted away, though some of it was still present in my chest, but I tried to ignore that.

He buried his presence deep into my skin.

That was the second time I met Naruto with heart wide open.

Suddenly, I was remembering his hands roaming on my body, playing with my skin like if it was an instrument, making a melody out of my moans. I was struck by a wave of heat when Naruto stroked my back again, and though his touch was innocent, my thoughts ran far beyond the mountains of obscenity. I slowly raised my head and realized Naruto was looking at me. I didn't know what moved me to the act. I didn't know what was going on with my head as my palms slowly wandered up his chest. His hands were copying my motions and slid down to my loins, where everything stopped. The fabric of my shirt rolled up in some places, and Naruto's hot fingers pressed against my bare skin. He was everywhere. For a short moment, he filled the hole in my soul, and I felt a shot of lust. As if he knew the silent change that had occurred in me, he'd closed the distance between us and silently whispered, before he dived into my world. _"Have no regrets."_ His warm breath caressed my face so tenderly I had to close my eyes. I didn't respond to his request in any way, because a lightning had struck down my body so sharply, that I shuddered when his lips finally touched my own.

It wasn't my first kiss, but it was by far the best one. I was fooling myself if I said I didn't expect what was coming the moment we kissed. Naruto was careful with me and I was fragile, so when he gently pressed his lips to mine, it felt almost like an innocent peck. First few were simple like that, but then, by degrees, and gradually, the kiss deepened. Naruto slowly coaxed my mouth open with his tongue, and I realized I let him in without any hesitation. Then his hands began to roam on my body, as if he didn't know how to place them. His kiss was like a sweet drug and I was getting addicted again, because there was just something about the way his tongue moved in and out of my mouth that nearly turned me to putty. This slow and steady kiss he was giving me, seemed to make time stop. It all felt unreal, a kind of daydream blurring the lines between the true and false, which I couldn't figure out just yet. He was offering me sweet sweet oblivion and I gladly accepted it, but only when his fingers came across my crotch, he stopped and looked at me. And suddenly I was drawn from my imagination into the harsh reality.

"Allow me." Naruto pleaded, however there wasn't really a question in his voice, nor was it a request. He destroyed the kiss and while he made sure to look me in the eyes, I looked away, my cheeks burning like crazy, and all I could manage to do, was nod. It seemed to be enough for him to continue, because suddenly his lips were on mine again, and I felt his fingers undoing my fly. His tongue returned to my mouth and nearly drove me insane, because the kiss was becoming more fast-paced, more passionate, more urgent and wild – and so was my heartbeat as the blond finally undid my pants and slipped his hand onto my bare skin. I moaned and arched my back a little, when he firmly grasped my penis. I was about to explode just by that sensation and I probably would've had, if it weren't for that stupid someone who rang on our doorbell. We both yanked and froze in the place. Naruto held his breath, his hand in my pants, his eyes locked with mine. I desperately wanted him to continue, but I couldn't move, and when the doorbell rang again and again, Naruto let go of me and went to check out who it was. Meanwhile, I tried to find my composure again, the sting of reality had came to me and I was losing my control again. What have I done? Was all I could think of. But the fiery touch remained on my skin long after Naruto's hands were gone.

The blond had returned after several minutes just to tell me it was for me. It surprised me a little and as I proceed to the entrance, Naruto's saddened gaze followed me. When I opened the door, I saw Kankuro's crying face and I understood something bad happened, but before I could ask, he told me.

"Temari had an accident, she… she couldn't make it. She's gone, Gaara." Kankuro's voice shattered like glass and crumbled into small pieces, and so did my world. A steady breeze found its way to our home, slowly caressing my locks of hair.

/

Later on, when Kankuro left our apartment, Naruto stayed by my side, trying to cuddle me in my bed, even though I kept telling I was fine, but he told me he couldn't be sure. Truthfully, I wasn't fine at all and he noticed. If it weren't for him, I don't know what would have happened with me that night. I buried all my desire deep in my skin and before I could do anything about myself, I was crying.

Naruto could be really stupid, and clueless, and even childish or goofy, but he didn't give up on me. _He never once gave up on me._

 _A/_ _N: Here it is! I wanted them to kiss for so long and now, it just clicked. It seemed right for me, so hopefully you enjoyed it as much as I did. And yeah, I know someone interrupted them, but I really want to drive them crazy first. It's currently three o'clock in the morning, so if there are any mistakes, please let me know. :)_


	11. XI All I want

_XI._ _All I want_

I was sad, lonely, devastated. Ever since Temari died, I didn't know what to do with myself, I was empty, yet all my emotions were out in the open. And there he was, a light tenderly shining through the obstacles of my shattered soul. A light, that had touched me countless of times in the past two months. That much time had passed since then. Two months. During these eight weeks Naruto came to know me a lot better, and I, on the other hand, came to know him as well. I didn't want to admit it, but only thanks to his care, I didn't die too. We changed our roles, Naruto's nightmares slowly disappeared, as if he had them just when he didn't have anyone to take care of, but the moment I fell apart, his world had built up again. For me. On a contrary, my insomnia had worsen, and because of that, I started having dream paralysis. It was the worst thing my brain could have produced during my sleep. The worst thing my heart could have endured. The night demons who came to visit me almost daily, traveled to my sorrowful heart, and took a bite of that thumping flesh every once in a while. As if there was something left of me. No possibility of movement, no waking up, no shouting for help. Nothing. _Nothing!_ I could not do anything, only my mind was running at full speed, frightened of the state that hid a piece from both. Reality and fantasy. But as I said, I didn't have these every day, because sometimes Naruto was there to catch me.

During these two months, I had realized that, without him, I would give up on everything a long time ago. I used to look back a lot on those days, remembering how we first met, how I couldn't stand him, and the old me would probably laugh at myself, if I told him that we would be this close in the future. I used to tell him a lot of bad things, I had done a lot of bad things to him, and yet it was him who stayed by my side the whole time, not caring about how fucked up I was. I used to lie a lot, and yet he saw through it all and gave me the most precious thing he had. His time and his care. But I was a bad liar. And in the end, I couldn't lie to anyone but myself. His presence was woven deep inside of my shattered soul, making the little pieces whole again. I had been losing this game of rejection for a long time, and I didn't even want to play anymore. _All I wanted was... him._

The spring meddled in the air, with birds singing melodies of my difficult year, the sun beams were slowly getting warmer, trying to caress my inner pain, and my eyes were locked on him. It was afternoon like any other, except the thing that nothing was like any other afternoon. His bright smile had won the battle even with the sun itself, and it belong to me at that time. I was already so used to it that I didn't want to give up on that smile anymore. I wanted him to know that I was a bad liar and all I really wanted was having him in my life. But I couldn't speak my mind out, and the only thing that came to mind was to act. He had not touched me for the past two months in any way but friendly, yet he was a bad liar and I knew it was bubbling somewhere inside him. And so on that one afternoon when we were lying under the trees in a deserted orchard, I decided. He was lying on a picnic blanket, hands behind his head, his eyes closed, a gentle smile on his face that I loved so much. The perfect paradise hidden behind his eyelids, the mad irony of my past negotiations was reflected in his black lashes that were shaking like a lost child. In the end, it was me who was shaking with uncertainty.

"Naruto." My voice was soft, sounding almost like a broken whisper that didn't meant to be heard. "Mmm?" He mumbled and titled his head a little so he could look at me. The blue gate into the very depths of the ocean madness that occurred in his eyes attacked my senses, and froze me in place. Suddenly, I was left with a decision that made me almost nauseous. He patiently waited for me to speak, but I couldn't bring myself to do so, thus I sighed and turned my head away to the medley of blooming plants and trees that were surrounding us.

"Close your eyes, please." The mixture of uncertainty and politeness was very uncommon for me, and in spite of him knowing this fact, he slowly closed his eyes shut without asking anything. I was grateful for it. I didn't know what I was doing. I slowly moved closer to him, and while he patiently waited for my words, I bent over and my breath touched his lips briefly. The crazy proximity that I felt nearly made me feel like a wreck. I grasped the blanket under my palms very tightly, as if to find some peace of mind, and the gentle breeze caressed my face, cooling it with light touches. I was burning inside, my cheeks resembled my hair and my throat felt like a desert. He smiled. It was just for a brief moment, when the corners of his lips turned upward, as if he was telling me it was okay. He convinced me with just that little of an effort. I closed the distance between us and my lips slightly touched those of his. A feel so light that it could've been mistaken for the zephyr itself. He didn't take the lead this time, only broke free one of his hands to put it behind my ear so he could play with my red strands of hair in his fingers. I had built up new wave of confidence and gently asked him to let me in his mouth. His lips parted slowly and his tongue tenderly licked my own in return. That one act made me turn into puddle. And as if he knew what was happening to me, he sat up, never breaking the kiss, and laid me down on a blanket to finally take control. My heart was pounding heavily against my chest, and I felt like I was out of breath every time he moved in and out with his tongue. He didn't say a word to me this time, didn't ask me if I let him in, if I let him do things to me. He knew I would.

Gradually, the kiss deepened and I lost myself in this sweet oblivion, taking in everything he had been offering at that moment. So when his hand went down to my pants, I willingly moved my legs apart to give him some space. He smirked into the kiss and attacked me with everything he had got. Every part of my body was responding to his touches, every part of my mind was blurred by his actions. And every part of my soul wished for him to be there, close. Closer. He kissed me through it all, making sure I was alright with everything he had done. But in that state of mind, I wasn't able to think about anything but him. Yes, I wanted him to touch me, to release the pain of yesterday's decisions, to destroy all the anxiety I had been clinging into.

A lightly-tan hand stole the last remnants of my self-control as it got into my pants and finally touched my penis. This time I couldn't hold back, this time I didn't want to. All my lying and denying had been taken away by the wind and all that was left were his passionate kisses, which I almost could not bear, I was going crazy. This has happened countless of times, his hand wasn't there for the first time, but now I felt as though his waiting had come to an end, as if he himself hadn't been able to control the pure venom of desire. All his moves looked to me that he didn't do it because I wanted it, but because he wanted it himself. There was enough cockiness in his actions that made me believe he wanted me as hard as I wanted him.

Cupping my cheek with one hand, he got closer to me, leaning his forehead against mine. And I started to think when did it seem to change for us, when was the time I saw a line somewhere between us blurring. And maybe some days it was me blurring it, and other days it was him. And just maybe I started to understand my feelings for once, but I certainly questioned our relationship that had sprouted there. In me, in him. In us. The persistent no and yes, the push and pushing back, the constant back and forth, the uncertainty and the courage, the running away but always coming back. Always. The game, the challenge, the constant cloud above our heads. The fall, we had to endure. The rise, the look, the glare, the laugh. The rejection, the acceptance, the "touch me and die" and the "Of course, of course." We were so very different.

But our personalities had melted together on that specific moment. His hand started to move with more confidence than there had been the last time. I couldn't quite handle it, as he traced a wet path with his lips down to my jaw line and onto my neck, where he slightly bit me. My face fell backward so that it rested partially on the grass. I had became a hot mess of feelings, as he proceeded to touch me, his pace slowly driving me crazy. I was lost within him. I was trembling, shaking and shivering at the same time, not holding back my sighs and little cracked moans that escaped my mouth every once in a while. And then the game began to crumble. The whisper in my ear as he told me to _come freely,_ the hand on my manhood pumping in a way I had never imagined before, the constant heat filling my body, the warmth on his hand as I came, my body jerking.

Little drops of tear were visible in corners of my eyes, and Naruto noticed them right away. Wiping them with his sweet and tender kisses, I realized how much I had been in love with him and how much I tried to deny the simple fact that it had happened along time ago. He held me close, not asking for release, as if he knew this time… wasn't the last. Truthfully, it was the first time of many others.

This was the time I conceded my feelings for himwere even greater than I could've ever assumed.

"Don't leave me." A soft whisper came out of my mouth, that one couldn't be controlled.

" _I won't."_ Was all I could hear him say before my mind drifted to sleep.

A/N: I'm not gonna tell anything about this chapter. I want the feelings speak for themselves.


End file.
